Noodles on a cross.

December 8th, 2008 11:59 pm by mad mags

Last year, the Mr. and I started a new holiday tradition; rather than celebrate Festivus or x-mas, we decided to observe FSMas (or CriFSMas, if you prefer) instead. Whereas FSM = Flying Spaghetti Monster, the holiday basically revolves around two things: pasta and pirates.

Since this is somewhat of a fringe (spoof) religion (for now, muahahahaha!), you can’t exactly go to the Buy More and purchase decorations off the shelves. So also last year, I started blogging my FSMas decorating ideas, if only to amuse myself, but also in hopes of giving all y’all other heathens out there a kick in the pants and away from traditional Christmas festivities. We’re in a War on Christmas, peoples – pick a side.

I started out with the best of intentions in 2007, but didn’t get to blog many craft projects before the season was over. Given that it’s already December 8th, 2008 is shaping up to be a real world busy / internet sparse-y year as well, but I promise I’ll try to blog as much as time allows. (Suddenly, starting the season a week or so before Halloween doesn’t seem like such a buzzkill.)

To recap last year’s FSMas yummyness, we had:

* FSMas cards (two, yo!);

* Magical FSMas Vaginas (for the tree, natch);

* Pasta, pirate and FSM magnets for the fridge (i.e., Her Noodliness’s Tomb);

* Community/college bulletin boards, lined with all manner of FSM propaganda;

* Flags, flags and more flags;

* Flying spaghetti monster photos, displayed in – what else? – macaroni-lined frames; and

* Pirate booty galore.

I’d intended to write about the most important of FSMas items (that would be the tree, silly!) tonight, but I ended up finishing the decorating instead. So here’s an easy one: Noodles on a cross.

2008-12-08 - Noodles on a Cross - 0005

I bought a few cheap, unfinished wood crosses from the Dollar Tree last year. The one above, I wrapped in a beige (noodle-colored) yarn. This is a bit harder than it sounds; I didn’t use glue, staples, or any type of fastener, so it was rather difficult to get the yarn to stay in place. Harder still as this particular cross doesn’t have very sharp edges for the string to grab onto. Look closely (or, hells bells, just glance out of the corner of your eye), and you can see some areas where I was unable to secure the string tightly and/or cover the wood completely.

Once I had the cross wrapped to my satisfaction, I tied off the string (the whole wrap job was accomplished with one long piece) and then cut some small strips of string, which I secured on the back of Her Noodliness. Given that pasghetti is limp and wavy, I draped these extra pieces over and under the cross, to give a bowl-of-pasta-like effect. I also cut a short strip that I threaded through the front of the cross, then glued some googly eyes on either end. Googly eyes rock.

Finally, because there is on odd, flowery design glued on top of the original cross, I covered that circular piece in bright red (soy ball) pom poms (these were easy: just glue ’em on). Actually, this was the first step, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s almost 11:30, and I am freaking exhausted. You get the idea.

I’ve got a second cross that (hopefully) I’ll be able to experiment with in the coming weeks. I’m thinking that glue might keep the yarn in place; on the other hand, I’m afraid it’ll dry before I’m done wrapping the cross in carbs. Paper clips in the back, to keep the string taut, maybe? Thoughts?

Anyway, you can use this as a tree decoration, clip or glue it to a heavy-duty magnet and put it on the fridge, or hang it on the wall or in the doorway. I made a handy little loop with a red pipe cleaner and am currently using it as a door knocker.

A million and one uses for noodles on a cross, I say. Especially handy for offending fundie relatives.

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