January 6th, 2009 9:30 pm by Kelly Garbato

Via Suicide Food, I bring you what is possibly the most obscene animated gif in the history of the internets. You know it’s bad when an atheist starts praying to the Big G.


Yes, that is a cow – a “dairy cow,” apparently – “working” a “stripper’s pole.” No detail is overlooked. The cow’s face has that vacant, “just close your eyes and pretend you’re somewhere else” stare. Garish pink makeup abounds. And the udders – oh, how they jiggle! The poor girl’s teets are almost hypnotic in their sway.*

This is all kinds of obscene, yet oddly fitting for a death dealing company that features the tag line “Great Slow Cooking. Let Us Smoke Your Butt” across the top of its website. The shitty ’90s html of which crashed my browser, naturally.

Sexy stripper meat – methinks this gif tells us all we need to know about Suwannee River Smokers’ opinion of human women and non-human animals.

* Lest I be misconstrued, when I say that “no detail is overlooked,” I mean in the adolescent graphic maker’s caricature of a cow/stripper. In no way, shape or form do I mean to suggest that real-world sex workers resemble this horrid, bestialized stereotype.



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