Consuming Women, No. 4: Rustling Up Some T&A

May 12th, 2009 11:14 am by Kelly Garbato

I re-discovered the following ad from Rustlers last week while “spring cleaning” some of my online accounts (in this case, You Tube – see all the pretty new playlists?). It’s more than two years old now, but meh – the message is still as relevant as ever, as we shall soon see.

Rustlers, by the by, is a fast food chain in the UK:

Rustlers are a range of burgers and hot sandwiches produced by Kepak Convenience Foods, based in Kirkham, Lancashire, England. The parent company, Kepak, is based in Dublin, Ireland. Each product in the range comes packed with a sachet of sauce appropriate for the food. Several products are now also packaged with a slice of processed cheese or a rasher of bacon.

The focus of the marketing is on the short cooking time and the use of a microwave oven to reheat the food. The brand’s slogan is “0 to Tasty in Seconds”, recently modified from “0 to Tasty in 70 Seconds”.

This Rustlers commercial is somewhat appropriately titled “Date,” and is available on the You Tube Channel I Love Rustlers.
 


 
In case you can’t view the video, this particular Rustlers tv commercial shows a semi-nerdy lad* welcoming a fetching young lass into his apartment, seemingly after the couple’s first date together. The woman comes off as a bit disinterested – in more sexist terms, frigid – declining her date’s offer to take her coat with a demur request for a quick cup of coffee. The message is clear: as eager as the young man appears, he’s not getting any action tonight.

Until, that is, our “hero” breaks out his secret weapon! Under the pretense of making coffee, he pops into the kitchen…which is actually a control room of some sort, outfitted with a keypad and an observation window that looks out onto the living room. As the audience gazes upon the nerd’s date, perched all prim and proper-like on the edge of the couch, nerd-boy excitedly pokes at the keypad’s buttons, which set the couch a-spinning, like a turntable. With one 360-degree rotation of the couch, the date has lost all of her inhibitions – and clothing (save for her black, lacy lingerie…this is family tv, after all). From Liberty University co-ed to FHM cover model in 70 seconds flat.

Tag line: “If only everything was as quick as Rustlers. (You’re so hot.) Rustlers. Naught to Tasty in 70 Seconds.”

Cut to another scene, this one of a Rustlers “burger” spinning on a microwave turntable, and then of same nerd-boy hungrily showing down on the prepackaged animal corpse.

Because women (and female sexuality) are exactly like pieces of “meat” (or rather, they should be): just heat in the microwave for 70 seconds and then enjoy!

Also worth noting – in half a minute, Rustlers manages to trot out the following tired memes:

- Women are “tasty,” like morsels of food (in this case, “meat,” or food which was formerly living, sentient beings);

- Obtaining women’s consent for sexual activity is a huge pain in the ass, and wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just heat those cold bitches up like the pieces of “meat” that they are? (And, along those lines, Foreplay? What’s foreplay?)

- “Meat” is a form of sex, or sexually arousing;

- Women are “meat”; attractive women are sexy “meat.”

Even the company’s name is significant; “Rustlers” is an obvious reference to cattle rustling (in which cattle are the living embodiments of the consumable “meat”), a phrase which means “to steal (livestock, especially cattle).” In the context of Rustler’s “Date” ad, then, the woman also functions as livestock, the nerd-boy, as a cattle rustler/rapist.

* I don’t mean this in even a slightly derogatory sense. I *heart* nerds, in fact, I am one myself. I just don’t much appreciate the characterization of this particular nerd, for the reasons explained above.

———————

Updated to add:

Naturally, directly after publishing this post, I go a-poking around Rustlers’ You Tube channel, and find several additional versions of this ad.

There’s the Chicken Tikka Naan version:
 


 
The “Henry,” in which our unnamed consumable woman transforms into…a vacuum cleaner? (The vid’s description reads, “Here are the ones we couldn’t show on TV!” – as if that’s any help.)
 

 
The “Doll,” in which our unnamed consumable woman transforms into an inflatable sex doll. (Though more offensive than the previous version, at least this one makes sense.)
 

 
And, finally, a live demonstration of Rustlers’ amazing “hot woman” technology, featuring a real “Rustlers girl.”
 

 
Wonder whether she’s some kind of special breed, like a Holstein?

[Previous posts in the series: One, one-point-one, two, three.]

———————

Tagged:

Be Sociable, Share!

Filed under , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “Consuming Women, No. 4: Rustling Up Some T&A”

  1. In which Burger King whips out its Manwich. » V for Vegan: easyVegan.info Says:

    [...] I think there’s an important difference between the two scenarios: when women are likened to “meat” (or, likewise, when “meat” is sexualized), it’s to turn them into objects for [...]

  2. White Castle: Now with edible porcine strippers! (1983 vintage) » V for Vegan: easyVegan.info Says:

    [...] hard to know how I should classify this one: Sexy Meat or Consuming Women – or both? Is the “stripper” really an honest-to-goodness pig, or are the White [...]

Leave a Reply