As I’m neither a fan of Thanksgiving nor of President Obama, you can imagine how I feel about this shit.

November 25th, 2009 5:14 pm by Kelly Garbato

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“You know, there are certain days that remind me of why I ran for this office,” President Obama declared while standing outside the White House on Wednesday morning. “And then there are moments like this — where I pardon a turkey and send it to Disneyland.”

At this year’s official Turkey Pardon, President Obama mixed jokes in with a serious message about giving thanks for our blessings. With Sasha and Malia at his side, he noted how delicious the turkey looked (at 40-plus pounds, the North Carolina-raised bird named Courage did look pretty juicy). Obama claimed he wanted to eat the turkey, but Sasha and Malia prevailed upon him to pardon it, sparing it “a terrible and delicious fate.” Courage will now head to Disneyland for their Thanksgiving Day parade.

(The entire transcript is available at the Huffington Post.)

Aside from all the God-talk and flippant remarks about the mouth-watering handsomeness of a living being, what most annoys me about Obama’s speech – and this is by no means unique to Obama; all presidents, at least in recent memory, engage in some variation of this speciesist bullshit – is how frivolous and trivial this routine appears to be to him. As if he’s simply above it all.

But to Courage, this idiotic ritual is anything but frivolous and trivial; rather, it is literally a matter of life and death. The annual Presidential Turkey Pardoning is all that stands between him and torture, slaughter, dismemberment and consumption. While Obama mocks a turkey for his captor’s frivolity, 45 million of his kin are being “dressed” for Thanksgiving celebrations. Most, if not all, of Courage’s family – his mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles – are no doubt already dead.

And yet, President Obama has the audacity to say that,

[W]e are, as ever, a people of endless compassion, boundless ingenuity, limitless strength.

Endless compassion? Bah. Try that line on tomorrow’s corpse. Tell it to Courage, for whom there’s no escape. (We inflicted our cruelty – excuse me, our “compassion” – onto him at a genetic level, so that his body will be crippled under its own weight in just a few short months. President Obama, your quip about “performance enhancing drugs”? Not funny.)

Happy fucking Thanksgiving.

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6 Responses to “As I’m neither a fan of Thanksgiving nor of President Obama, you can imagine how I feel about this shit.”

  1. adam Says:

    Matthew Scully in _Dominion_ had the excellent commentary that the presidential Turkey Pardon is “the modern, inverted version of animal sacrifice: We raise a live one up to the gods, and then kill all the rest.”

  2. Shannon Says:

    Oh Kelly, how your snark warms my cold little heart. Thank you for your fire and energy. And happy fucking Thanksgiving, right back atcha.

  3. Mary Martin Says:

    Though I’m sure Obama didn’t write his speech, it’s still his speech, and he delivered like a stand-up comedian. I found it all very disappointing and distasteful. Some day we’ll stop joking about killing other sentient beings.

  4. Vegan Dog's Life Says:

    At work yesterday, they had a song where a “turkey” was singing how proud he was to be eaten on Thanksgiving. I was so disgusted & ended up yelling “a turkey wouldn’t fucking sing this!” and was shocked that one of my co-workers started ranting about what a bullshit holiday this was. Happy fucking thanksgiving, indeed. Bah!

  5. Louche Says:

    Way to turn the lives of all nonhuman animals into a joke – an endless stream of jokes. Ugh. Anyone who ever feels like claiming that Obama cares about animals or could be convinced to do so need only remember this moment.

  6. Kelly G. Says:

    Thanks for the comments, all.

    @ Mary – “stand-up comedian” – that’s a good way of putting it. Obama = the Seinfeld of butchery. What with this, his escalation of the Afghan war, and his refusal to sign on to the landmine treaty, it’s nice to see the impact of that Nobel Prize on Obama’s policies.

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