vegan daemon

Sexy Meat, No. 5: Meet "Chicktoria" (A "Charming Pet" Product)

While visiting my parents last September, a knickknack sitting atop the office radiator (turn of the century New York, represent!) caught my eye. No, not Chicktoria; rather, what looked from a distance to be a homemade, paper mache caricature of one of my brothers – a school project, perhaps? – but was, upon further inspection, a Rocky toy, complete with an oversized Stallone head. (What can I say? My brothers, they could be extras on Jersey Shore.) My curiosity satisfied, it wasn’t long before my attention turned toward Ms. Chicktoria:

Chicktoria, front view. (The aforementioned Rocky toy sits off to the lady’s right.)
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Chictoria, what a sexy chick(en)! As chickens commonly = meat, this also makes Chicktoria entry #5 in our Sexy Meat series!

Sporting a tight, strapless black mini-dress, Chicktoria aims to please – the male gaze, that is! Chicktoria’s revealing dress is accented with a tightly cinched pinkish-purple belt; her stylish sunglasses, strappy high heels, bright toenail polish and garish lipstick (wait, chickens don’t have lips!) – all in matching shades of purple – complete the look. Ever the trendsetter, Chicktoria’s brunette ‘do is a sassy, punkish bob, swept forward for maximum It Girliness effect. Easily DDs, her chicken breasts are fit to stuff even the biggest human maw! (Of the manly variety, natch.)

According to my younger sis, one of my father’s work friends gifted him Chicktoria. Five seconds on the google revealed that Chicktoria is actually a dog toy – a squeaky toy (or “SQUEAKY SQUEAKY!,” as Peedee might say), reminiscent of the oh-so-popular rubber chicken. (Why my parents have yet to let Copper and Hash rip this abomination to shreds is beyond me.) Made by a company called Charming Pet Products (as if!), Chicktoria is part of its Barnyard Collection; other chickens in this series include Grandma Hippie Chick, Grandpa Gimpy Hip (hello, ableism!), and Beakham (who’s allowed the dudely dignity of wearing shorts vs. a tight and sexy mankini).

Among the additional collections offered by Charming Pet are:

  • the Squawkers (as is expected, the females of the family appear scantily clad*);
  • the Farm Collection (“Piggy Sue” is a fat girl, teeheehee!); and
  • the MVP Collection (seemingly all-male, as women neither 1) participate in sports or 2) constitute valuable players).

    Named not after the Victoria’s Secret Girls women – as I’d initially assumed – Chicktoria is Victoria Beckham, wife of soccer superstar David Beckham (i.e., “Beakham”). Interestingly, Chicktoria looks to be the only feminine toy that’s based on a living individual – one whose primary claim to fame is her marriage to a famous athlete, at that. Meanwhile, real-world men get an entire collection devoted to their accomplishments (Beckham is even parodied twice) and while, as professional athletes, they’re a bunch of hard bodies, none of these individuals appear overly sexualized.

    Charming Pet’s own product description of Chicktoria says it best:

    Fashion savvy Chicktoria™ is the envy of coops on both sides of the farm pond. Those who suggest that her full chicken breasts may be enhanced by hormones are the same jealous chicks who suggest she may have had a beak job. Her beauty is undeniable – she is simply chicktacular! With her famous husband Beakham™, they’re raising their 3 little roosters in a palatial coop in Beverly Hills.

    You know, even if the company sent me a freebie (not bloody likely at this point, but play along), I wouldn’t let my own dog kids chew on this toy, lest they unwittingly absorb some of its misogyny and speciesism. *spit*gag*cough*spit*

    There’s really nothing left to say, so here are a few additional views of Chicktoria to bring us home:

    A side (top) and back (bottom) view of Chicktoria.
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    * Is it just me, or does it appear that the only overtly female toys that aren’t sexed up are the older and/or larger (read: conventionally unattractive/undesirable) ones? Yay too for sizeism and ageism!

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