Earlier this week, I feeling hungry and lazy and craving some pizza, but the husband – oh maker of all things pita pizza ’round these parts – was at work and thus unable to service me the way I so often required servicing (i.e. WITH FOOD. I’ll pause for a sec so that you can picture that, mkay.) The horras, right? After a little moping and low blood sugar-induced faintness (I know, such a child!), I realized that I had some white rolls sitting in the fridge. Perfect for mini toaster oven pizzas, just like dad used to make me as a kid!
The first few batches came out looking like angel wings to me, at least when you touched them tip-to-tip, like so; but, after further noming, I saw that the shape of the rolls was just the slightest bit curvy, and vaguely reminiscent of a ghost. And so Casper the Friendly Ghost Pizzas were born! (Also: an excuse to eat more mini pizzas!)
These are super-simple and quick to make, with maybe five minutes of assembly and ten minutes of cook time required. You just need:
one ghostly roll, cut down the middle (mine is from a megachain store which shall remain nameless but rhymes with “Mall Fart”; each roll makes two pizzas)
red sauce
vegan mozzarella cheese, sliced or shredded
something round for the eyes and a mouth. I used black olives and cherry and Juliet tomatoes, but you could just as easily use any round fruit, veggie or vegan meat. Think: carrots, zucchini, sausage or hot dog links, etc.
Start by cutting the roll down the middle. Add the red sauce, followed by the cheese, “eyes” and “mouth.” Bake in a toaster oven at 425 degrees F for ten to fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is nice and melty. Eat and repeat!
(Fyi, if you can’t find any ghost-shaped rolls, use something round – like a soyburger bun or English Muffin – and make a mummy instead!)
For the cheese, I went with Vegan Gourmet’s Follow Your Heart. Rather than shredding it, I cut thin strips from the block, thinking that layered pieces would give more even white coverage. I also added a few shreds towards the bottom of each ghost’s body, for that ragged, ripped sheet effect. Pre-cooking, they looked more like goatees than anything else. Pubescent Casper, represent!
As it turns out, the cheese got so melty that everything just kind of melded together. So use that Daiya if you’ve got it! As long as the cheese reaches maximum ooziness, you should be safe with cheese shreds or slices. (Plus I find that I pile on less cheese when I stick to shreds. I fail at thin-slicing things.)
Clearly, Casper is the ghost on the left; as per the line drawings, he’s white with sparse black facial features. Plus I fashioned him outta the top piece, so he’s fluffier and so much the better for hugging and cuddling. (It’s Casper the FRIENDLY ghost, yo!) But who is his red companion on the right?
An evil twin? His lady friend, if you know what I mean? (AND I KNOW THAT YOU DO.) Casper’s pizza boss, perhaps?
The husband and I have a longstanding Halloween tradition. Three words: horror movie marathon. Three more: vegan junk food. There will be John Carpenter and Stephen King and Tofurky pizzas and fancy movie popcorn and more gallons of homemade vegan ice cream than you can wag a tongue at.
This year’s picks include a few films that might be loosely described as vegan-friendly, inasmuch as they contain elements that are potentially anti-speciesist or might otherwise appeal to vegan sensibilities: vivisection that triggers an apocalyptic plague; nonhuman “monsters” who prove more human than the story’s human protagonists; cow meat pies secretly swapped for those containing bits of human flesh; bird flu and mad cow disease; exploited animals out for revenge – all these and more make for a “vegan-friendly” horror flick. “Veg-sploitation,” in more colorful terms. (Like “sexploitation,” but SEXIER! AND VEGAN! ‘CAUSE VEGAN = SEXY, YO.)
For those who’d like in on the festivities, I’ve compiled a list of veg-sploitation horror flicks that appeal to the vegan zombie in all of us. (What’s that? You don’t like horror movies? LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!) Many of these I’ve seen, some I haven’t; so there are bound to be a few lemons on the list. (Poultrygeist, I’m looking at you!) Most are pretty f’in awesome, though.
In the queue this year: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Soylent Green, along with three or four more as-of-yet undetermined movies.
Got a favorite vegan-friendly horror flick I missed? Tell us in the comments!
(Unless otherwise noted, the summaries are snagged from Netflix.)
Soylent Green (1973) – “Set in a polluted, congested New York City in 2022, this sci-fi thriller stars Charlton Heston as Robert Thorn, a gumshoe looking into the murder of a corporate executive (Joseph Cotten) whose company makes a nutritious synthetic food called Soylent Green. But in the process of tracking down the killer, Thorn unearths shocking information about the product’s ingredients. The cast also includes the great Edward G. Robinson in his last film role.” Soylent Green is people! No more outrageous than if it were chickens!
Attack of the Vegan Zombies! (2009) – “Joe and his wife Dionne have had yet another bad crop for their winery. Faced with the prospect of losing the family farm, Dionne convinces her mother (a witch) to cast a spell upon next year’s crop. The crop is such a success that Joe hires some college students to help them harvest. However, when a nosy neighbor begins poking around in the fields, he finds out more than he bargained for. Now the question isn’t how to best harvest the crop, it’s how to keep from being harvested!” I do not understand where the vegan zombies fit in, but I would like to find out! (plot summary via imdb)
Isolation (2005) – “On a desolate farm in the Irish countryside, destitute Dan Reilly (John Lynch) — in return for cold cash — allows his heifers to be part of a genetic study intended to boost bovine fertility and beef output … until the experiment goes awry. When one of his cows spawns lethal mutants, Dan and a few other unlucky folks suffer the repercussions of meddling with nature in this unsettling chiller also starring Essie Davis and Marcel Iures.”
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – “Director Tobe Hooper’s horror classic is a gruesome reminder that a movie need not be complicated to scare the daylights out of viewers. Sally (Marilyn Burns), her wheelchair-bound brother (Paul A. Partain) and their friends travel to a vandalized graveyard to see if their grandfather’s remains are intact. En route, they come upon chainsaw-wielding maniac Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen), and it’s a fight to the bloody death between good and evil.” The greatest vegetarian movie of all time?
King Kong (2005) – “Set in the 1930s, Peter Jackson’s remake of the black-and-white classic follows a group of adventurous explorers and filmmakers (including Jack Black, Adrien Brody and Andy Serkis) to mysterious Skull Island, where they search for a legendary giant gorilla known as King Kong. The team battles dinosaurs and, with the help of a beautiful woman (Naomi Watts), manages to capture the mighty ape and ship him back to New York.” Like Rise of the Planet of the Apes, minus the ape revenge fantasy. A kind of prequel, perhaps?
Alien Resurrection (1997) – “Sigourney Weaver and Winona Ryder star in the fourth installment of the Alien series. Two hundred years after Lt. Ripley (Weaver) died, a group of scientists clone her, hoping to breed the ultimate weapon. But the new Ripley is full of surprises … as are the new aliens. Ripley must team with a band of smugglers (including Ryder) to keep the creatures from reaching Earth. Includes the theatrical and extended cuts of the film.” The scene in which Ripley stumbles upon the failed Ripley clones – her sisters – shattered my heart into a million pieces. Since when is Alien a tearjerker!?!
Willard (2003) – “In this remake of the 1971 horror film by the same name, Crispin Glover plays a shy young man named Willard who is constantly pestered by his co-workers and has no friends save for his beloved pet rats. When one of the rats is killed at work, Willard exacts bloody revenge on all those who did him wrong — with the help of his furry friend Ben, an unusually intelligent (and lethal) rat who leads his cohorts to commit horrific murders.” Okay, so maybe Willard proved to be a back-stabbing, narcissistic frenemy to his posse of rodent roommates. But still: A POSSE OF RATS! If I lived in NYC, I’d totes be a female Willard, but better. As in, nicer to the rats.
28 Days Later (2002) – “Twenty-eight days after a killer virus was accidentally unleashed from a British research facility, a small group of London survivors (including Cillian Murphy and Brendan Gleeson) are caught in a desperate struggle to protect themselves from the infected. Carried by animals and humans, the virus turns those it infects into homicidal maniacs — and it’s absolutely impossible to contain. Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) directs.” There goes vivisection, unleashing a zombie apocalypse again! When will we learn? Also: Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris. Yes please!
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) – “Johnny Depp reteams with director Tim Burton for this big-screen adaptation of the hit Broadway musical, earning an Oscar nod as vengeful Sweeney Todd, who becomes a deranged murderer after being falsely imprisoned by a sinister judge (Alan Rickman). To cover his tracks, Todd enlists the help of Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), who disposes of the victims by baking them into tasty meat pies that become the toast of London.” Reviewed by yours truly here.
Little Shop of Horrors (1986) – “Plant yourself in front of the tube and veg out with Frank Oz’s horticultural horror flick. Gawky Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis), looking for a way to save his job in a ramshackle, skid row flower shop, purchases a curious exotic plant hoping it will make business bloom. And it does. There’s just one problem: The little creeper possesses a rapacious appetite for fresh human plasma … and it’s mushrooming out of control!” A carnivorous, human-munching plant. From the ’80s. IN MUSICAL FORMAT. This one’s a must-see, odontophobia be damned!
Zombieland (2009) – “An easily spooked guy, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), joins forces with wild man Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) to fight for survival in a world virtually taken over by freakish zombies. As they destroy scores of the undead, they meet up with two other survivors, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) and Wichita (Emma Stone), and journey to a supposedly safe abandoned amusement park. Ruben Fleischer directs this horror romp.” Two words: VEGAN TWINKIES! Two more: Woody Harrelson!
Daybreakers (2009) – “Earth’s population is up against a vicious plague that’s transforming everyone into vampires and draining the world of an increasingly precious resource: blood. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) and “Elvis” Cormac (Willem Dafoe) must decide what happens next. As the human race count nears zero, will vampires feast on the few men and women who remain, or could science hold the key to a less destructive solution? Sam Neill and Claudia Karvan co-star.” With the development of synthetic blood, are vampires morally obligated to dine on it, instead of humans? Or does their physical superiority give them the right to dominate this “lesser” species?
Swamp Thing (1982) – “When the botanical experiments of Dr. Alec Holland go awry and a lab explosion renders him more plant than man, rival scientist Anton Arcane plans to capture the Swamp Thing and learn his secrets.”
Black Sheep (2006) – “On a quiet New Zealand ranch, a genetic experiment has gone horribly wrong, transforming a calm flock of sheep into killers hungry for human blood in this outrageous comic gore-fest. Those bitten become ravenous were-sheep. As the body count rises, a desperate handful of outnumbered survivors take a last stand against the bovine onslaught. Who will live, and who will be the next victim of the vicious killer sheep?” …and hilarity ensues.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006) – “What happens when a fast-food chicken franchise is built on a sacred Native American burial site rife with restless spirits? Zombie chickens! Now it’s up to high school grad Arbie (Jason Yachanin) to find a way to destroy the featherless fiends. Or will the fowl beasts turn the hungry drive-thru customers into the insatiable undead, too? This gleeful free-range romp through the supernatural also features Kate Graham and Allyson Sereboff.”
Severed: Forest of the Dead (2006) – “When a forestry company’s profit-driven decision to genetically engineer trees goes horribly wrong, a mismatched group of loggers and environmental activists become ravenous flesh-eating zombies. And although a few uninfected survivors remain, their chances of getting out of the wilderness alive are as remote as the forest itself. An ensemble cast stars in this undead gore fest that makes a run-in with a wood chipper seem tame.” I’M ROOTING FOR THE ABOLITIONIST VEGANS. (Rooting! Get it?)
Dead Meat (2004) – “You are what you eat! The seventh level of hell is unleashed when a mutated strain of mad cow disease infects the countryside, turning people into flesh-eating zombies that like their food … fast! Caught in the middle of this gory upheaval is Helena (Marian Araujo), a young Spanish tourist, and Desmond (David Muyllaert), the local gravedigger. Together, they must join forces and fight for survival or else become appetizers in a zombie feast.” Horror flick or speculative fiction? You decide!
Mad Cowgirl (2006) – “Director Gregory Hatanaka’s decidedly twisted thriller stars Sarah Lassez as Therese, a health inspector whose progressively delusional psyche leads her on a surreal — and bloody — odyssey. To cope with her marital split, Therese takes up with a slimy televangelist (Walter Koenig), indulges her appetites for sex and beef, and obsesses over a kung fu TV show. Meanwhile, her meat packer brother (James Duval) may have infected her with mad cow disease.” Ew.
Meat Market (2001) – “When two former employees of a company that conducts bizarre medical experiments put two and two together, they realize that a series of “animal attacks” reported by the media are actually the work of flesh-eating zombies created by the company. As the walking dead invade the city, the two truth-seekers team up with three vampire women, a washed-up Mexican wrestler, a wounded soldier and a mysterious scientist to fight for their lives.”
Flu Birds (2008) – “A tight-knit group of teens find themselves fighting for their lives when unexpected visitors — a flock of flesh-eating birds infected by a malicious virus — crash their carefree camping trip in the woods. With each deadly swoop, the flying predators are spreading their dangerous strain and transforming the locals into bird feed. Can a shrinking group of survivors fight back and reclaim the skies?” The Birds meets Bird Flu meets zombies. Hello, awesomeness!
Beast Within (2008) – “Terror catapults onto the screen as a new form of avian flu turns its unsuspecting victims into voracious zombies. Pleasure-seeking 20-somethings partying in a remote mansion must then battle the flesh-eating monsters and the infected birds. Armed with flamethrowers, brawn and scientific know-how, the friends barricade themselves against the horrors of the night, but will any of them live to see the morning light?” See: above, plus flamethrowers.
Masters of Horror: Dario Argento: Pelts (2006) – “Sleazy fur trader Jake Feldman (Meat Loaf) will do just about anything for a quality skin. When Jake crosses paths with a trapper (John Saxon) offering raccoon pelts, he jumps at the chance to score big bucks and win a stripper’s heart. Little does Jake know that the supernatural furs wield bloody revenge upon anyone who covets them. This very different kind of skin flick is the 19th episode of the hit Showtime series.” MEAT LOAF! “I would dew anyTHING for LOVE…”
Harry and the Hendersons (1987) – “Returning home from vacation, the Hendersons — George (John Lithgow), Nancy (Melinda Dillon), daughter Sarah (Margaret Langrick) and son Ernie (Joshua Rudoy) — accidentally run over a strange Bigfoot-type animal (Kevin Peter Hall). They decide to take the friendly “Harry” home and adopt him as a pet. But soon, they’re scrambling to hide their new friend from authorities and Bigfoot hunters. This charming family film won a Best Makeup Oscar.” Not a horror film – heck, not even a monster movie, as evidenced by Harry’s gentle demeanor and compassion for his fellow nonhumans – but I just had to include it on this list anyway. I COULDN’T NOT INCLUDE IT! It’s Harry and the fucking Hendersons, yo! A vegan classic.
I noticed a few recipes for sweet & salty chocolate-covered pretzel & caramel ice cream floating around the internets this summer, but they all looked too complicated to attempt – at least to my heat-addled brain. So I decided to make my own! This dessert is super-simple; basically it’s a mashup of a caramel ice cream recipe I previously tried and enjoyed, combined with chocolate pretzel bark. (Like chocolate-covered pretzels, but lazier!)
One word: omnomnomnom!
Caramel Ice Cream with Chocolate Pretzel Bark
Ingredients
…for the ice cream!
1 cup soy milk, divided
2 tablespoons arrowroot powder
2 cups soy creamer
3/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 cup caramel sauce
(I used the Soft-Set Caramel recipe found in the December 2010 issue of VegNews, mostly because I had some left over from a previous batch of caramel ice cream. But you can just as easily use a recipe from the interwebs, such as this one from The Spooky Vegan.)
1. In a small bowl or mug, combine 1/4 cup of the soy milk with the arrowroot powder. Whisk briskly and set aside.
2. In a saucepan, combine the remaining 3/4 cup of the soy milk with all of the soy creamer and sugar. Bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly.
3. Once the mix begins to boil, remove from heat and add the arrowroot “slurry.” This will cause the batter to thicken noticeably. Add the vanilla extract and mix well. Chill in the fridge for four to six hours or more. (Usually I prefer to let the batter chill overnight.)
…make the chocolate bark!
4. Using either a tightly sealed plastic bag and a rolling pin or a food processor (or your own hands), crush the pretzels into small bits roughly 1/5 of their original size. Set aside.
5. In a medium-sized, microwave-safe bowl, microwave the chocolate chips on high for one minute. Stir and heat again, in fifteen- to twenty-second increments, until the chips are all melted.
6. Add the pretzels to the chocolate chips and stir well. Spread out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper using a large spoon. Try to spread the mix as thin as possible; pretzels layered two or three high will be harder to break apart once hardened. Sprinkle the pretzel salt on top for an extra-salty treat, Let chill in the freezer for at least a half an hour. When cold, break the bark apart into smaller pieces. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.
…make the ice cream!
7. Combine the ice cream batter and caramel sauce, mixing well with a whisk. Pour the batter into your ice cream machine and process according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
8. When done, transfer your ice cream into an airtight container. Enjoy immediately as soft serve or chill in the fridge for an hour or so for a thicker, more frozen dessert.
9. You can either add the Chocolate Pretzel Bark to the batter as it’s dispensed (or scooped by hand) from the ice cream machine, or as you serve the ice cream – just mix a little in as you scoop it, or use it as a topping. Unless you’re going to scarf the entire quart of ice immediately, I recommend the latter: the pretzels stay fresher on their own in the fridge than when mixed in with the ice cream and frozen.
My poor little lady Kaylee was brutalized at the vet’s yesterday. She went in for a dental cleaning and ended up having two teeth extracted. To be fair, this was no real surprise, what with her past dental issues. But her one remaining fang, GONE! The horror and injustice of it all!
Kaylee circa 2007, after her second round of dental surgery. If you look closely (or click through to flickr for the notes!), you can see how her mouth is lopsided: many of the teeth on the left side of her mouth were removed, making her look adorably silly, but also kinda sad. As of yesterday, the “fang” on the right side of her mouth is now history, too.
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At our request, the vet also removed some rather large fatty deposits – which had been growing progressively larger over the past few years – from her left shoulder and right side. The one near her rib cage was especially stubborn coming out, and she’s got the 2″-long, ragged, angry red incision to prove it. Her shoulder looks even worse: because she had two lumps there (don’t worry, all benign, thank dog!), he had to make two separate incisions, which kind of meld together visually for an especially horrifying effect. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
When Katie announced the ingredients for the final Iron Chef Challenge – carrots and oats – my mind immediately went to carrot cake/oatmeal muffins. And then I kept reading and slunk back to bed in shame. (Also, for a nap. The dogs woke me up entirely too early yesterday morning!)
After sleeping on it for an hour (or two or three! sue me!), I decided upon veggie pancakes. You might not have noticed (lol, who am I kidding?), but I’ve been on something of a breakfastpancakekick this month. So its heartier dinner counterpart seems about right.
For this dish, I substituted processed quick oats for the flour I’d normally use to bind the veggies together, and it worked like a charm. If you don’t have any green onions on hand, feel free to sub in a leek (and maybe a little onion powder) instead. Veggie pancakes are a versatile dish, so don’t be afraid to experiment. (Hint: tomatoes taste delicious when paired with zucchini and fried in a skillet.)
Quick Oat & Veggie Pancakes
Ingredients
1/2 cup quick oats
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Egg substitute equivalent to 1 egg (I used NRG Egg Replacer: 1 1/2 teaspoons powder mixed with 2 tablespoons warm water.)
1/4 cup soy milk
1 large carrot, grated (about 1 cup’s worth)
1 medium-sized zucchini, grated (about 1 cup’s worth)
1 green onion (or leek), sliced and diced
margarine
Directions
1. Process the quick oats in a blender or food processor until they’re finely ground. In a medium-sized bowl, combine the ground oats, baking powder, salt and pepper and mix well.
2. In another bowl, combine the carrots, zucchini, onion, soy milk and egg substitute. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and stir until combined.
3. In a medium-sized skillet, heat the margarine on medium, using just enough to coat the bottom of the pan (about 1 tablespoon per pancake). Pour the batter into the pan, forming a pancake five or six inches in diameter. Using a spatula, pat the veggies down firmly; be sure to pat the sides as well, pushing any stray veggies back into the pancake. Cook on each side until golden brown. Enjoy immediately!
Optional: Rather than making all the pancakes at once, you can store any extra batter in the fridge and cook it as needed. The pancakes taste way better fresh than reheated, so it’s a thought!
Tender baked apples, seasoned with chai tea spices: that about sums it up!
Serve with ice cream, oatmeal, pancakes – or warm on its own – for a delicious, healthy treat.
Baked Chai Apples
Ingredients
6 cups apples, diced
1 cup water
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1/2 teaspoon cardamom
Directions
In a small bowl or measuring cup, combine the water with the sugar and spices and mix well with a fork or whisk. Place the diced apples in an 8×8″ glass baking pan and add the water; stir well, until all the apples are coated in spices. Bake at 425 degrees F for 30 to 45 minutes or until tender.
A few weeks back, Mofo Goddess Isa held a contest on Facebook; to enter, fans were asked to weigh in with their favorite tunes to cook to. Sadly, I didn’t win – but on the bright side, I got a post idea out of the deal! Here are a few of the songs I like to shake my spatula to (in no particular order, but the first being my entry in the contest, fwiw).
What about y’all? What gets your pancakes flipping?
“I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked,” Ida Maria
Ever since I was reminded of this song via a David Tennant fan video, it’s been stuck in my head. Fun and sexy and cheeky and catchy, what more do you need? That said, the only food I’d recommend cooking in the nude is ice cream. Banana ice cream, natch. (No hot ingredients, duh! What did you think I meant, you pervert?)
“Peaches,” The Presidents Of The United States Of America
“Peaches” is like my life story; just change “peaches” to “apples” and this song = my life. Or at least my autumn, when I spend most of my free time picking, peeling, coring and boiling apples to make applesauce and fruit leather. (Mmmm, strawberry-apple fruit leather!)
Check it:
“Movin’ to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches” (OMG I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND EAT A LOT OF APPLES!)
“Millions of peaches peaches for me” (I HAVE A MILLION APPLES! OKAY NOT A MILLION BUT HUNDREDS! FOUR TREES’ WORTH!)
“Millions of peaches peaches for free” (MY APPLES ARE FREE TOO!)
“Look out ” (SERIOUSLY THOSE SUCKERS WILL CONK YOU ON THE HEAD WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING!)
(Makes slightly more than one quart of ice cream.)
Ingredients
5 over-ripe bananas, peeled, sliced and frozen
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup almond butter
2 tablespoons flax seeds
1/4 cup walnuts
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup peanuts
1/4 cup cashews
Directions
Combine the walnuts, almonds, peanuts and cashews in a food processor and pulse until they’re chopped to your liking. Transfer to a large, airtight container and set aside.
Combine the frozen bananas, peanut butter, almond butter and flax seeds in a food processor and mix until smoothly blended. Try not to overprocess the batter, as this can result in soupy ice cream.
Add the ice cream batter to the chopped nuts and mix well. Enjoy immediately or, if the soft serve is too much on the soft side, store in the freezer for an hour or until it’s thickened up a bit. Hint: it’s the perfect pick me up for a blah Monday morning breakfast!
Optional: Sub in your own favorite nuts in place of those suggested above; e.g., for a peanut & almond-y dessert, omit the walnuts and cashews and use a half cup each of peanuts and almonds.
Or, for a less crunchy ice cream, reduce the total amount of nuts to half a cup.
Along with pita pizza, spaghetti with soy-meatballs, potato soup and salad, this is one of my favorite go-to dinner dishes. (Pasta and veggies in a garlic-basil-tomato flavored olive oil sauce, yum!) Alas, I’ve made it so many times that I don’t work with a recipe, just my own eyeballs. But it’s a pretty simple and straightforward dish, so here goes.
Linguine with Sautéed Veggies in a Garlic-Basil-Tomato Olive Oil “Sauce”
Ingredients
Olive oil
Minced garlic
Basil
Diced tomatoes, fresh or canned
Sundried tomatoes
Cauliflower, fresh or frozen
Diced carrots (fresh, always!)
Black olives
Kalamata olives
Mushrooms, fresh or canned
Optional: A little extra tomato juice for flavor
Linguine (or the pasta of your choice)
Directions
Start by sautéing your veggies. I usually go with a mix of tomatoes (if you’re using canned, juice and all!), carrots, cauliflower, black olives, Kalamata olives and mushrooms, cooked in a touch of olive oil and seasoned with minced garlic and a generous helping of basil. (Basil love, I’m feeling it!) How many veggies you use depends on a) how much pasta you’re cooking and b) the ratio of pasta to veggies you’re aiming for. I like a lot of veggies on my pasta, and I also make large servings at once, so I load up on the veggies. BIG TIME! (As in, I’ll commonly use a few cans each of olives, mushrooms and tomatoes, a half bag each of carrots and cauliflower, and multiple tablespoons of garlic and basil.)
Normally I cook the veggies in two batches: tomatoes, carrots and cauliflower are grouped together because I like them all on the tender side, while the olives and mushrooms are paired off due to their similar cooking times. (If you go this route, remember to add garlic and basil to each batch for maximum flavor!) Also, I tend to make extra-large helpings, especially when pasta is involved; since the husband and I are too busy (read: lazy) to cook, we live off the leftovers during the rest of the week. The point being, my veggies won’t usually fit in just one skillet, anyway. If you’re making a smaller meal, feel free to use one pan, adding veggies to the mix as the cooking progresses.
Use enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan, but not so much that the veggies are swimming in it. The easiest way to screw up this dish is to use too much olive oil, so pour carefully! You can always add more later. (Tip: add a dash of water to the pan as the liquid cooks down to keep the veggies from sticking and also minimize your use of oil. Also: mix in a few extra tablespoons of tomato juice for flavor!)
Once the veggies are nearly done cooking, prepare the pasta according to the directions on the box. When done, drain and combine with the veggies – olive oil and all, just dump the whole pan in there! – in a large pot or container. Any leftovers will keep in the fridge for about a week. Reheat in the microwave.
Like Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes & Sausage on a stick, but VEGAN! (So only slightly less horrifying than the original.)
The Daily Show, Thursday October 19, 2006 Intro – Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick
Finally, the classic taste of a chocolate chip pancake wrapped around
a sausage with the convenience of a stick.
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You might remember that I promised to veganize this, um, “foodstuff” last mofo, after the husband baked Lightlife Smart Bacon into a batch of blueberry pancakes. He found it an excellent idea, but I couldn’t get past the blueberry-bacon flavor combo. (Ewww!) This year I thought I’d up the ante, and boy did I. But not in a gross way! These baked sausage pancakes are delicious, and surprisingly easy to make. All you need is a batch of pancake batter, eight vegan sausage links and a canoe pan. (Like you’d use to make vegan Twinkies. Which I’ve also done!)
If you don’t have a canoe pan, try a cupcake shape! Probably you’ll need to cut the links in halves or thirds so that they’ll fit – but on the plus size, you’ll have silver dollar-shaped pancakes instead (and more of them, too). It’s a win-win!
Kelly G.’s Pancakes and Sausage ON A STICK!
Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
8 vegan breakfast sausage links (I used Lightlife Smart Links)
2 cups Bisquick
1 1/2 cup soy milk
Egg substitute equivalent to two eggs (I used Ener-G Egg Replacer)
1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)
Cooking spray
Powdered sugar (optional)
Chopsticks, 4 pairs (optional)
Directions
1. In a large skillet, heat two tablespoons of olive oil on medium. Add the sausage links and cook on medium until golden brown. remove from heat and set aside.
2. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. In a medium bowl, combine the Bisquick, soy milk and egg substitute and mix well. (A whisk might come in handy here!) If desired, toss in a handful – 1/4 cup or so – of chocolate chips.
3. Spray your canoe boat with cooking spray; be careful to get the surface areas as well as the canoe cavities, as the pancakes will puff up when they cook. Carefully pour the pancake batter into each cavity in turn, until each one is just under 3/4 full. Add the links: center each sausage in its cavity and then gently press down with a butter knife (or your fingers) until it’s submerged in pancake batter. If necessary, use the knife to spread the batter around and evenly cover each link in batter. If desired, sprinkle a bit of powdered sugar on top of each pancake sausage.
4. Bake at 425 degrees F for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove the pancakes from the pan immediately.
5. Enjoy warm with a side of maple syrup! If you’re feeling fancy, serve them on a stick: ram a chopstick through each canoe horizontally (they go in surprisingly easy). This is really only practical if you buy them off a street vendor, though; easier to slice them into fifths and eat with a fork. Whole canoe pancakes also make for a fun (but greasy!) finger food.
Optional: Sub in your own favorite pancake recipe in place of the Bisquick-based stuff.
Full disclosure: When all was said and done, we only ended up making one chocolate chip pancake; instead of adding the chips to the batter, I threw a few into a single canoe cavity after I’d poured the batter. If you’re the experimental type, this is an easy way to try out different flavor combos.
FWIW, Shane was a fan of the Chocolate Chip Pancakes and Sausage à la Jimmy Dean and ridiculed by Jon Stewart. To each his own, eh?
Readers of His Dark Materials get their first taste of chocolatl when, in The Golden Compass, Marisa Coulter uses the sweet, hot drink to lure unsuspecting children into the hands of the Gobblers – more commonly known as the General Oblation Board, a research arm of the church which conducts unthinkable experiments on children and their daemons. (See the excerpt below. Yes, I included an excerpt! ALWAYS QUOTE PHILIP PULLMAN.) A favorite of children and adults alike, “chocolatl” is what people in Lyra’s world call hot chocolate or, more generally, chocolate.
Since I experimented with marzipan ice cream earlier this month, I decided that it’d only be fair to give chocolatl the frozen treatment too. (“Chocolatl.” “Chocolatl.” It just rolls off the tongue, no?) Plus, Chicago Soydairy is totally running a veganmofo contest: create “something amazing” with Dandies, enter to win a year’s supply of the white, puffy stuff. How could I resist? (Answer: I could not. I WAS POWERLESS.)
idk if double chocolate marshmallow ice cream, topped with crumbled graham crackers and even more marshmallows counts as “something amazing” – but given this dessert’s backstory, I’d like to think that it’s “something charming,” at the very least. I hope you agree!
(…and then go pick up a copy of His Dark Materials, stat. I need some fellow heathen vegans to geek out with over Lyra & Will and Mary & the mulefa and the witches and Iorek & Lee and Baruch & Balthamos and dust and the deaths and Xaphania SO BAD IT HURTS! ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL, for reals.)
If not, perhaps the variations for S’mores Ice Cream and S’mores Ice Cream Sammies will do the trick? (I know, bury the lede much?) Three desserts in one!
Frozen Chocolatl (i.e., “Chocolate Marshmallow Ice Cream” in Will’s world)
Ingredients
1 cup soy milk (plain or vanilla), divided
2 cups soy creamer (plain or vanilla)
2 tablespoons arrowroot powder
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 cup vegan chocolate chips
30 Dandies marshmallows, divided
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup vegan chocolate bark or chocolate chips (optional)
Chocolate sprinkles, chocolate chips, Dandies and/or crumbled graham crackers to garnish (optional)
Directions
1. In a small bowl or mug, combine 1/4 cup of the soy milk with the arrowroot powder. Whisk briskly and set aside.
2. In a saucepan, combine the remaining 3/4 cup of the soy milk with all of the soy creamer and sugar. Whisk briskly over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until blended. Add the chocolate chips and one half of the marshmallows and stir until they’re melted. Increasing the heat, bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly.
3. Once the mix begins to boil, remove from heat and add the arrowroot “slurry.” This will cause the batter to thicken noticeably. Add the vanilla extract and mix well. Chill in the fridge for four to six hours or more prior to processing in an ice cream machine. (Usually I prefer to let the batter chill overnight.)
4. Process the batter according to your ice cream machine’s directions. Add the remainder of the Dandies to the batter while it’s processing – earlier in the cycle for smaller bits, later for larger chunks. Ditto: the chocolate bark (or chips). (If you’re afraid of gumming up your machine, you can add them after the batter’s done processing, as you’re dispensing the ice cream. In this case, you’ll need to dice the Dandies by hand.) When done processing, transfer to an airtight container.
5. Serve immediately for soft serve or pop in the freezer for an hour+ for a more solid dessert.
6. Along with vegan sprinkles, chocolate chips, and/or graham crackers, use those extra Dandies for topping. Assuming you didn’t scarf them while waiting for the ice cream to freeze, that is!
There’s a chill in the air and a nip at my nose, and we’re slowly coming to the point at which I can’t leave the house with wet hair lest I end up walking around with an icicle helmet on my head. Winter, must you come again so soon?
The only upside to this cold weather that I can see – sweat pants and baggy sweaters excepted – is hot soup and hotter chocolate. Let’s concentrate on the soup today, mkay? This one’s a vegan version of the perennial classic, Chicken Noodle. I’ve been fantasizing about it ever since VegNews published a version on its blog a few months back. (Or at least I thought I saw one over there; I can’t seem to find it now. Brain freeze, I think it came early this year!)
The celery, I mean. The Vegan Chicken Noodle Soup? Warms the soul, baby (yours and the chicken’s!).
Vegan Chicken Noodle Soup for the Animal Lover’s Soul
Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, finely diced
1 medium leek, white and a little of the green part, sliced into 1/8″ thick rounds
2 or 3 carrots, sliced into 1/8″ thick rounds
2 celery stalks, sliced (optional; I HATE CELERY!)
8 cups vegan chicken broth (either 8 cups of water mixed with the appropriate amount of vegan chicken base bouillon – chooseveg.comrecommends Osem and Telma brands – or 8 cups premade liquid broth, e.g., Imagine Foods Organic No Chicken Broth)
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon onion powder
2 tablespoons parsley
6 to 8 ounces of vegan chicken strips, diced (e.g., Gardein Chick’n Filets or Morningstar Farms Chik’n Strips)
6 ounces dry fettuccine, broken into 2-inch pieces (about 3/4 cup)
salt and pepper to taste
Directions
1. Heat the olive oil in a large pot on medium heat. Add the onions and leeks and sauté until almost translucent. Add the carrots and celery and sauté for another five minutes, or until almost tender.
2. Add the bouillon broth, onion powder, salt and pepper and bay leaves. Increase the heat and bring the soup to a boil, then reduce to medium and simmer for five minutes or so.
3. Add the Gardein chick’n filets, parsley and noodles. Increase the heat and bring the soup to a boil a second time, then reduce the heat and let simmer for ten minutes, or until the noodles are tender.
4. Serve warm, but remember to remove the bay leaves first!
We forgot the soup crackers, but the impromptu garlic toast tasted even better. Happy accidents!
What! You didn’t think that I’d be able to stay away from sweets entirely, did you? Coconut and chocolate, chocolate and coconut – they go together like…well, like me and pizza! Or me and dogs! Or me and pizza dogs! (And that, my friends, is how magnets work.)
Anyhow, enough with the silliness. Desserts are a serious biz. And this one hits the coconut trifecta: coconut milk, coconut extract and shredded coconut (in the brownies, frosting and garnishments, respectively), all without overpowering the dessert. For this Iron Chef Challenge, I started with one of my favorite brownie recipes, replacing the soy milk with coconut milk. As it turns out, this didn’t make a huge diff, as the original recipe only calls for 1/4 cup of soy milk. If you want the brownies to have a stronger coconut flavor (or any coconut flavor at all), try adding in a teaspoon or two of coconut extract. (Likewise, if you don’t have any coconut milk on hand, just use soy or almond!)
In contrast, 1/2 a teaspoon of coconut extract goes a long way in the buttercream frosting, giving it a sweet – but subtle – taste of coconut. Top it all off with sweetened, shredded coconut and chocolate sprinkles (vegan, of course!) and you’ve got yourself a triple coconut, triple chocolate masterpiece.
Also: a sugar hangover headache the next morning. BUT SO WORTH IT!
Chocolate Chip Brownies with Coconut Buttercream Frosting
Ingredients
…for the brownies
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup coconut milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon coconut extract (optional)
1/2 cup unbleached white flour
1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup vegan chocolate chips
…for the buttercream frosting
1/4 cup nonhydrogenated shortening
1/4 cup nonhydrogenated margarine
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
Upon setting eyes on this week’s Iron Chef Challenge ingredient – coconut! – my mind immediately went to sweets. Coconut ice cream! (Talk about your no-brainers.) Raw coconut balls! Chocolate chip cookies coated in coconut shreds! Chocolate coconut candy, à la Almond Delights! Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Oh, the possibilities!
And then reality set in and I opted for practicality – which, for someone with two bags of salad in the fridge set to expire soon, equals salad dressing. Coconut and lime are a natural pairing, so coconut and lime it was. Silken tofu and coconut milk form the base of this dressing, while lemon and lime juice give it that sweet tropical kick. Add in a splash of coconut extract for a little extra coco-nuttiness, and you’re good to go!
You can either use this as a salad dressing – in the picture above, it’s nestled on a bed of leafy greens, along with some shredded carrots, cashews and vegan chicken strips (Morningstar Farms Chik’n Strips, leftovers from the Vegan Chicken Noodle Soup I made on Thursday – recipe coming soon!) – or as a condiment, e.g. on a vegan chicken sammie. For a thinner or thicker consistency, tinker with the tofu-to-coconut milk ratio before adding the seasonings. (As written, the recipe makes a dressing similar in consistency to ranch.) This particular configuration yields about three cups worth, which I’m guessing you can divide and freeze for later use. But I haven’t tested that idea out yet, so experiment at your own risk!
Major props to the husband, who helped with the taste testing. I’m not all that adventurous, so it helps to have a partner who has all the fussiness of a garbage disposal!
1. In a blender or food processor, combine the silken tofu and coconut milk and process until it’s smooth and creamy.
If you’d like to tinker with the consistency of the dressing, add the coconut milk a half a cup at a time; the more milk you add, the thinner the dressing will be.
2. Add in the lemon juice, lime juice, coconut extract and parsley and process until well blended. Most likely you’ll need to stop once or twice to scrape off the sides of the bowl as you go.
Since this dressing is suited to my husband’s tastes – and your preferences may differ – you may want to add the seasonings in smaller increments, adjusting the amounts to your liking!
3. Enjoy drizzled on a colorful salad or spread on a vegan sammie! Store any leftover dressing in an airtight container and consume within several days.
Seeing that Friday has shaped up to be “food porn Friday” – totally accidental, I swear! much like the always-hilarious accidental penis! – what with all the vegetable and fruit porn, I got to thinking: what is the most gastronomically arousing vegan food photo I’ve ever taken? Given my love of pizza and ice cream, you might guess a macaroni and cheese pizza, or perhaps the peanut butter cup ice cream I made during the height of the summer heat wave. Both good, educated guesses; both utterly and completely wrong!
The one vegan food that gets me hot and hungry – even after all these years – is the very first batch of Ronald’s Donuts ever to grace my lips. So incredibly satisfying were they that I polished off half the batch before I even thought to take a picture of all the fried sugary sweeteness in all its sugar coma-inducing glory:
(Note the teeth marks.)
SO GOOD, Y’ALL. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE.
Shane and I were visiting Las Vegas for a week – neither of us had ever been before, so we were both Ronald’s virgins – and these were by far the highlight of our trip. And oh yeah, did I mention that we were in town to get married?
We even got a box to go. They fared surprisingly well on a June flight from Nevada to New York; some of the donuts came through a bit squished, but still yummy as all get out.
This was back in 2006. Since then, we’ve refined our doughnut-shipping technique: each doughnut fits almost perfectly in an empty Tofutti Sour Cream container, and the packaging minimizes the pancake effect caused by airplane descent (as does pre-freezing them). This is totally relevant because Shane now travels to Vegas once a year for The Amazing Meeting, and always (ALWAYS!) brings me back an order of doughnuts from Ronald’s. This past July, we got super-serious about it and packed a few Styrofoam coolers in an extra suitcase so that my precious goodies would be extra-protected.
Alas, there is a sad ending to this story: I only have three doughnuts left in the freezer! (Yes, the freezer! They keep fairly well for a few months, and then the cream/jelly starts to congeal a bit. But still, delicious!) So sad. But their rarity is probably why I love them so; now that I know how to make vegan peanut butter cups, for example, they’ve lost that special…well, specialness that only enhances their appeal. Ah, the pull of the forbidden! Well, hard-to-get. Close enough.
So, dear vegans, pray tell: what vegan food do you fantasize about night and day?
Another week, another surprisingly delicious, shockingly simple banana ice cream recipe! With desserts like these, there’s no reason to let “spoiled” bananas go to waste! (Unless you’re allergic to bananas, in which case you wouldn’t have brought them home to begin with. I hope.)
Without further adieu, I give you Chocolate Chocolate Chip Banana Ice Cream! Super-yummy, though the Banana Bread Soft Serve is still my one and only favorite. There’s just something about allspice, amirite people?
Chocolate Chocolate Chip Banana Ice Cream
(Makes slightly more than one quart of ice cream.)
Ingredients
4-5 over-ripe bananas, peeled, sliced and frozen
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)
5 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 to 2 tablespoons sugar (to taste)
1/2 cup chocolate chips or chocolate bark
Directions
Combine the frozen bananas, vanilla extract, cinnamon and cocoa powder in a food processor and mix until smoothly blended. Sample the batter and, if it’s not sweet enough for you, add a tablespoon or two of sugar (or other vegan sweetener) and chocolate chips or bark and process until blended. Try not to overprocess the batter, as this can result in soupy ice cream. If the soft serve is too much on the soft side, transfer it to a covered container and store in the freezer for an hour or until it’s thickened up a bit.
Optional: for more finely chopped chocolate chunks, process the chocolate chips or bark first, and then add the bananas and follow the directions from there.
Enjoy: immediately! often! for breakfast, lunch or dinner! with omnivores! for an audience! but not with dogs, cause chocolate isn’t kind to them, yo! (Sub in carob powder and/or chips for a dog-friendly recipe.)
Tune in to TLC tonight at 10PM (9 Central) to see how it’s done. If I’m not mistaken, this lady is saving up for some new ink, so I’m totally rooting for her.* Get ALL the vegan goodies for free!
* Upon seeing the abbreviated preview for tonight’s ep, I remember thinking, “Woman looks rad, but pffft, I bet she isn’t vegan.” Burn on me!
I’ve had my eye on these Cheddar Biscuits for quite some time – if my delicious account is any indication, last November! – and I honestly don’t know why I’ve waited for veganmofo to make them. I mean, it’s such a simple recipe! And so easy to veganize, with just a few substitutions! Okay, so maybe it’s a wee bit messy – but deliciously so. And cheesy, too. If you’re to know one thing about me, it’s that I LOVE MY (VEGAN) CHEESE!
Interestingly enough, the best part of this recipe isn’t the cheese, but the garlic spread that goes on top. So tasty, y’all! I almost think that you could omit the cheese entirely and still produce a pretty tasty biscuit. I mean, Daiya is expensive, yo!
Because sixteen fist-sized biscuits aren’t carbtastic enough, I served them alongside a steaming pot of potato soup-slash-chowder. Carbs dipped in carbs and loaded with more carbs. That’s how I roll, people.
Cheddar Cheesy Garlic Biscuits
Ingredients
2 cups of a vegan biscuit mix (e.g., Bisquick)
1/2 teaspoon of garlic powder
1 to 2 cups of vegan cheddar cheese, shredded (I used 1 1/2 cups of Daiya)
2/3 cup soy milk, plain
2 tablespoons margarine
2 teaspoons oregano
1 teaspoon garlic salt
Directions
1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.
2. In a large bowl, combine the biscuit mix, garlic powder and cheddar cheese. Add the soy milk and mix until well blended. If the batter is too thick, you can add a little extra milk – but you don’t want it to get too sticky! Likewise, if the batter’s on the sticky side, toss in a little more biscuit mix.
3. Drop balls of the dough onto a greased cookie sheet by the spoonful. Bake at 400 degrees F for ten minutes.
4. As the biscuits are baking, melt the margarine and combine with the oregano and garlic salt. Remove the biscuits from the oven and brush the margarine mix on top of each biscuit.
5. Bake for another five minutes, or until they’re lightly browned. Enjoy warm! Reheat in the toaster oven at 350 degrees for five minutes, or until warm.
Ice cream floating in mug of chilled root beer, can a more perfect french fry and veggie burger chaser exist? I THINK NOT. But this Root Beer Float Ice Cream comes close, especially if you’re an ice cream fiend like me.
At first I had the idea to make a root beer float using root beer ice cream, but then I thought: redundant much? Seriously, what’s the point of making root beer ice cream if you’re just going to dump it in a like-flavored beverage? Then it hit me: why not replicate ALL THE FLAVORS of a root beer float in frozen dessert form? Root beer ice cream + vanilla (or chocolate) ice cream = Root Beer Float Ice Cream for the retro vegan win!
In this recipe, the root beer and vanilla (or chocolate) ice cream is made separately and blended after the fact, Neapolitan styley. It’s like you’re freezing the root beer part of a float around the ice cream scoops! Heavenly.
Also, I bet this tastes awesome on fries. (Totes joking, even I’m not that perverse!)
Root Beer Ice Cream
Ingredients
1 cup soy milk, divided
3 tablespoons arrowroot powder
2 cups soy creamer
1/2 cup root beer
3/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 to 4 teaspoons root beer concentrate (amount will vary depending on the brand)
Directions
1. In a small bowl or mug, combine 1/4 cup of the soy milk with the arrowroot powder. Whisk briskly and set aside.
2. In a saucepan, combine the remaining 3/4 cup of the soy milk with all of the soy creamer, the root beer and the sugar. Bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly.
3. Once the mix begins to boil, remove from heat and add the arrowroot “slurry.” This will cause the batter to thicken noticeably. Add the vanilla extract and mix well. Add two teaspoons of the root beer extract, mix well, and sample the batter. If the taste isn’t quite strong enough, add another teaspoon and repeat until the root beer flavor is to your liking. Chill in the fridge for four to six hours or more prior to processing in an ice cream machine. (Usually I prefer to let the batter chill overnight.)
