A few gems:

“I know he sexually assaulted someone but he does really good work.”

“That’s just some relationship drama. I’m not taking sides!”

“My last partner didn’t shave her legs. I really supported her.”

“With your hair pulled back like that, you really look like Frida Kahlo. I’d be honored to sleep with you tonight.”

(via)

Another pizza roundup, because it’s been entirely too long since the last one!

The Vegan Pizza Day That Was Giveaway!

Hey friends! Do you love pizza? Of course you do! Now through Monday afternoon, take a pic of your vegan pizza and share it with us at fuck yeah vegan pizza for a chance to win one of three prize packages stuffed with goodies from Tofurky, Daiya, Lightlife, Gardein, Nasoya, Tofutti, Field Roast, Bob’s Red Mill, and Upton’s Naturals (for US & Canadian readers) or a ginormous box of vegan meats and cheeses from Redwood Foods (for mainland UK residents).

Even if you lose the giveaway, you still win at life! (‘Cause you got to make and share pizza, duh!)

(Too much shameless self-promotion? Never!)

I am a Pizza, by Charlotte Diamond

So I was searching for music for a pizza mix tape (NO I SHIT YOU NOT) and found this video on the youtubes. I’ve listened to it at least a dozen times now and the lyrics are stuck all up in my head. I sang it to Peedee and O-Ren during our afternoon walk in the park, but I don’t think they enjoyed it. Whatever, they’re dogs, they eat poo. Anyway it’s dope and you should totally give it a listen so that it sticks in your noggin too. Then I won’t be the only weirdo wandering the streets yelling “I AM A PIZZA!” at the top of her lungs.

Cheesy Penne Pizza

With mozzarella Daiya, sauteed carrots, mushrooms, garlic and tomatoes, and baked penne pasta, all on a fluffy white pizza crust. I have yet to write up a recipe, but basically you just make up a dish of your favorite oven-baked pasta and set aside a few cups (three? four?) for the pizza prior to baking it. (Two meals in one!) Layer it on top of some red sauce, top with a lil’ extra cheese, and bake the pizza as you would normally. Nom!

Extra-Easy Vegan Bisquick Cheese Pizza

Aside from using store-bought bread, this Bisquick pizza crust is about as easy as it gets! Because it doesn’t contain any yeast, you don’t need to let the dough rise at all. (Pizza in a pinch, anyone?!?) It also makes for a pretty foolproof thin crust recipe – what you see is what you get! Quick and yummy, and super-useful for those nights when you’re craving pizza but are in too of much of a hurry to make a proper dough. Definitely a keeper!

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Sure, so maybe the holidays are, like, SO LAST MONTH. But my house is still dressed to party, and besides, better late than never! Vegan foods never go out of style, yo.

Let me begin by saying that I didn’t do nearly as much baking this year as last. With the exception of some cookies for our neighbors, I didn’t make any gifts by hand. Mostly ’cause I was pressed for time, but also because I’m still trying to work off the ten pounds I gained by “taste testing” 2010′s handmade presents.

Instead I hit up Vegan Etsy: an assortment of vegan candies from NoWhey for my grandma Arnie; SuperFoxySweets vegan chocolate truffles for my grandma Vita; and a PB lover’s sampler box, along with peppermint patties, extra peanut butter cups, and a pumpkin roll (all from Sweet Vegan Delight) for my mum – all for less than $150! SUCH A STEAL!

Elsewhere on the internets, a box o’ vegan wine for my aunt Cindy and her BFF Hank (from Clos LaChance Winery, though I don’t see any vegan options at the moment) and a Ron Swanson mug for Shane.

“Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait … wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?
——————————

(From Peachy Apricot on etsy, in case you want one for your own bad self.)

My sister Meesh was easy; her only wish was more fruit leather, so I sent her a few pounds of the stuff. (We have a huge container in the freezer. Great for distracting Ralphie from his allergy shots!)

My brother-in-law sent us a basket of vegan goodies from Marge’s Bakery in Northridge, CA. It’s not an exclusively vegan establishment, but it has a decent number of vegan options relative to its non-vegan offerings.

The basket included four varieties of cookies: California Snowballs (melt-in-your mouth good!), Kiss of Lemon (thin and crispy and very lemon-y; my least favorite of the bunch), Ginger Snaps (soft, chewy, and surprisingly delicious, since I’m usually lukewarm on these) and Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies (crunchy, like most store-bought cookies, and super-delish – but also quite small). They were devoured in less than a week.

Also present: two loaves of sweet bread. Namely, zucchini bread and carrot cake. (The latter is technically a cake, I guess, but it had the look and feel of a sweet bread to me. It was remarkable similar in texture and sweetness to the zucchini bread, in any case.)

The zucchini bread was at least as good as my own recipe, but not necessarily better. Sweet but not sickeningly so. I especially loved the sweet glaze on top of the bread, which added that little extra something to the bread. (Note to self: you simply must find that recipe!)

The highlight of the carrot cake was most def the frosting, which was delightfully spicy (Not in a hot way! I detected hints of Pumpkin Spice – but then my palate’s not all that sophisticated, so who knows?) and stood a good inch in height. Maybe this is what transforms a humble carrot loaf into a cake? Either way, NOM.

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Okay, so maybe Vegan Pizza Day has moved to June 28th. But the party’s still on at fuck yeah vegan pizza!

Come celebrate the Vegan Pizza Day That Was with us, ALL WEEK LONG! Americans & Canadians, share your vegan pizza photos with us for a chance to win one of three awesome prize packages featuring buttons, tees, totes – & more free product coupons than you can wag your tongue at! – from Tofurky, Daiya, Lightlife, Gardein, Nasoya, Tofutti, Field Roast, Bob’s Red Mill, Upton’s Naturals, & more! I may or may not have burned a few mix tapes especially for the occasion!

We also have a special Early Vegan Pizza Day giveaway for those in the mainland UK. Share your vegan pizza photos for a chance to win a prize package of vegan meats and cheeses from Redwood Foods! There are enough goodies here to keep you happily snacking for a month or more. (Or a week, if you’re anything like me. omnomnom!)

A cheesy, saucy, sexy time will be had by all! Vegan Pizza Day, so nice we’re celebrating it twice.

Yesterday morning after breakfast, Kaylee wandered into the office, threw up everything she’d just eaten, and then proceeded to eat it all a second time. At first I started to yell at her to stop, and even took a step toward her, as if to snatch her away, and then realized – you know what? I should just let her eat it, then I won’t have to clean it up. Let her take care of her own mess and be happy doing it.

Welcome to my life.

Filed alongside: “silently watching Lemmy rub his balls on the kitchen counter” and “leaving Mags’s pee puddles sit until morning.”

Inspired in part by Marji – who logged an impressive 40 books in 2011 (But not “the 80+ books of 2009″! WHAT.) – I compiled a list of all the books I read last year. Or rather, those I’m sure I read in 2011. This is totally from memory, so I’m probably missing a few. Or at least I hope I am; 25 seems a sorry number next to Marji’s 40 to 80! Doubly so when half of these are audiobooks. (Oh my gods I am THE WORST.)

Anyway, this year I’m actually keeping track, a strategy which should motivate me to read more. So far it seems to be working; already I’ve got two books under my belt and am in the middle of two more. One of the new series I’ve started is Stephen King’s The Dark Tower – which could hurt my overall numbers, given the series’ epicness. (Each book grows progressively longer; compare The Gunslinger‘s 264 pages to The Dark Tower‘s 1072. The only exception is Book 6, Song of Susannah, which weighs in at 560 pages.)

Library Thing is a fun tool for this – as I finished them, I’m tagging books “read in 2012” so that I don’t have to rely on memory this time next year. Plus, FREE BOOKS! (#2, 16, 17, 18, and 23 are all books I snagged through LT’s Early Reviewer program.)

fuck yeah reading!: 2011 book list

1. The Fall, Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan (2010)
2. The Energy Glut: Climate Change and the Politics of Fatness, Ian Roberts (2010); reviewed here *
3. For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of the Experts Advice to Women, Barbara Ehrenreich (2005) *
4. The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle (1977) *
5. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins (2008) *
6. Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins (2009) *
7. Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins (2010) *
8. The Golden Compass, Philip Pullman (1995) *
9. The Subtle Knife, Philip Pullman (1997) *
10. The Amber Spyglass, Philip Pullman (2001) *
11. The Girl Who Was on Fire: Your Favorite Authors on Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games Trilogy, Leah Wilson, ed. (2011)
12. The Gingerbread Girl, Stephen King (2008)
13. The Breathing Method, Stephen King (2009)
14. Cell, Stephen King (2006)
15. Under the Dome, Stephen King (2009) *
16. The Moral Lives of Animals, Dale Peterson (2011); reviewed here
17. The Sex Doll: A History, Anthony Ferguson (2010); reviewed here
18. The Believing Brain: From Ghosts and Gods to Politics and Conspiracies – How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce Them as Truths, Michael Shermer (2011); reviewed here
19. Bossypants, Tina Fey (2011)
20. The Bedwetter, Sarah Silverman (2010)
21. Discovering the Golden Compass: A Guide to Philip Pullman’s Dark Materials, George Beahm (2007); reviewed here
22. Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials Trilogy (Continuum Contemporaries), Claire Squires (2003) *
23. With Liberty and Justice for Some: How the Law Is Used to Destroy Equality and Protect the Powerful, Glenn Greenwald (2011); reviewed here *
24. The Walking Dead: Compendium One, Robert Kirkman (2009)
25. After the Apocalypse: Stories, Maureen F. McHugh (2011) *

* Top picks!

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Up until last year – when I received a free sample of the stuff with a basket of vegan goodies from Sweet V Confections – I’d never heard of “puppy chow.” At the time, I thought it sounded gross. Looked gross, in fact. (I’m not joking when I say that I’m the fussiest eater you’ll ever meet, at least outside of the six- to eight-year-old age group. Hey, I’m working on it!) The baggy of white stuff sat in the fridge for nearly a year before I cracked it open. (And then, only after I’d finished most of the other junk food in the house.) Then I promptly devoured it all. Not that there was much of it, but still. PUPPY CHOW IS DELICIOUS, Y’ALL!

So much so that I made a batch all for my own bad self. I started with a rather simple recipe from PETA, which I altered slightly; the recommended 1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar wasn’t nearly enough to coat all the squares, so I ended up using nearly twice as much. Also, the chocolate-peanut butter sauce required much more time in the microwave, especially near the end: the hotter the sauce, the more fluid – and the more fluid, the easier to mix with the rice cereal.

Anyway, it’s really good! Not as pretty as Sweet V’s specimen – really, I found it impossible to evenly coat all the rice squares, and ended up with a number of large globular chunks of chow – but still yummy. And that’s what counts, yes?

Vegan Puppy Chow (for Humans Only!)

(Based on this recipe from PETA.)

Makes 9 cups.

Ingredients

1 cup semi-sweet vegan chocolate chips
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup vegan margarine
9 cups rice cereal squares
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 to 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Directions

1. Combine the chocolate chips, peanut butter, and vegan margarine in a microwave-safe bowl and heat in the microwave for one minute. Remove and stir; continue microwaving in 15-second increments, stirring in between, until the chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine are blended well. Add the vanilla and mix well. Then microwave the mixture for 15 to 60 seconds, so that the chocolate-pb sauce becomes hotter and more fluid.

2. Place the cereal squares in a large (preferable flat and shallow) container and pour in the chocolate mixture. Stir gently until all the squares are coated.

3. Add 1 1/2 cups of the powdered sugar to the container and seal with a lid. Shake gently until the sugar has coated all the squares. Add additional sugar and repeat if necessary.

4. Place in the freezer for 30 minutes, or until the chocolate hardens. Once solidified, store in the refrigerator.

So this is a slight variation on the Ginormous Oven-Baked Pancakes, using Silk Pumpkin Spice in place of plain soy milk, and with a few extra teaspoons of Pumpkin Spice seasoning for an extra kick. This recipe may or may not come in handy right about now, as all that seasonal Pumpkin Spice soy milk you hoarded throughout December expires faster than you can consume it in the new year. (Personally I’m still chugging my way through four cartons that expired on 12/30. Friday is the day of reckoning!)

At first I wasn’t as in love with these giant, baked pancakes as I am the griddle-made ones, but this dish is seriously growing on me. Super-simple, and the leftovers keep better than traditional pancakes, too! You know how regular pancakes tend to get soggy when reheated in the microwave? Especially if you add syrup? Well not these bad girls! They soak up syrup like a sponge while still retaining their fluffy, pancake-y texture. Powerpuff pancakes, these are!

Also, they will make your house stink of pumpkin spice. In a good way!

Baked Pumpkin Spice Pancakes

(Make two very large, 9″ round pancakes. Serves two to three people.)

Ingredients

2 cups Bisquick
1 1/2 cups Silk Pumpkin Spice soy milk
Egg substitute equivalent to two eggs (I used Ener-G Egg Replacer)
2 teaspoons Pumpkin Spice mix
Toppings to taste (I used maple syrup and powdered sugar)

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. In a medium bowl, combine the Bisquick, Pumpkin Spice, soy milk and egg substitute and mix well. (A whisk might come in handy here!)

2. Spray two 9″ round cake pans with cooking spray and pour equal amounts of batter into each pan. Bake at 425 degrees F for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove the pancakes from the pan and serve immediately!

IT’S THAT EASY!

Remember that hash brown pizza I was working on? Well, it’s done! And it is awesome! Seriously one of my favorites yet, third only to the Cheesy Vegan Tater Tot / Garbage Plate Pizzas and the Vegan Bacon & Cheddar Double Potato Pizza.

In contrast to the original hash brown pizza, I made a cheese sauce (a la mac & cheese) and mixed it with the hash browns and breakfast sausage before adding it to the pizza. This made all the diff. So much cheese! So moist and gooey! The hash browns alone are delish, but the cheese sauce is what makes this pizza amazaballs! It’s always about the cheese, amirite people?

Anyway, recipe here. Eye candy below. Holiday food roundup coming soon.