Shiny Happy Spaghetti (It’s FSMas decorating time!)

December 24th, 2012 1:43 pm by Kelly Garbato

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For several years now I’ve been meaning to do a “31 Days of FSMas” series, with tips and tutorials for giving your holiday festivities a flying spaghetti monster flair. (Two words: pasta and pirates!) Between Vegan MoFo and real life holiday chores, I always run out of time. Sigh. Maybe next year? (Famous last words.)

Instead of a series, a big old roundup featuring pictures of this year’s decorations. I didn’t go all out with a theme like last year, when I made all the holiday tree ornaments by hand (to match Kaylee and Jayne’s Firefly-inspired costumes) – but luckily I had enough existing decorations to deck the house in swag just the same. (…is the understatement of the year.) Lots of sparkle, but not much organization. Just glitter. EVERYWHERE.

So here are my principles of FSMas decorating, in no particular order:

 

1. You can never have too many flying spaghetti monsters.

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2. Put eye patches on ALL the stuffed animals!

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If Santa looks a little beat, it’s because he’s nearly as old as me.
(See #9 below!)
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Ditto: pirate hats and cookie jars.

 

3. When not in use, festive dog outfits – santa hats, red scarves, pirate hats – can also be used as holiday finery for stuffed animals. (I skipped this step this year, so no pictures, but it’s rather self-explanatory.)

 

4. Dried pasta is your friend. Use it to decorate photo frames; string it into garland for the tree; fill fancy glass vases with the stuff and enjoy your guests’ befuddled puzzlement. Bonus points: your cats and dogs will love snacking on it.

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Santa jumps the penne!
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5. Holiday tins and decorative boxes can be piled high to simulate piles of presents. If you have dogs who like to chew on the real thing, put tins under the tree instead!

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Bonus points: they can be used to store fragile decorations in the off season.

 

6. Gold tinsel and doubloons go well together.

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For a look worthy of The Goonies (One-Eyed Willie!), throw in some costume jewelry and colored glass stones (I MEAN JEWELS!).

 

7. Give your tree a themepasta, pirates, pizza, Doctor Who – and commit to it.

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My mom made this, 20+ years ago. Seriously!
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This just in from 1983: these cardboard “Kitty Cucumber” ornaments,
which my aunt sent me last month.
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This Santa might predate me. A family of pack rats, I come from one.
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(This year’s theme? My favorite things, aka, whatever the hell I want.)

 

8. Vegan cookbooks are pretty!

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(Wherever you put them, just make sure they’re accessible. I actually moved mine closer to the kitchen for this little display!)

 

9. Celebrate your childhood with vintage decorations. Bonus points if they’re from your actual childhood.

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Gotta keep the Charlie Brown tree in the bedroom,
where the cat’s (slightly) less likely to destroy it.
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10. Magnets are magic! And very easy to make.

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(They’re also quite useful for hanging things on metal fireplaces.)

 

11. Stock up on bows, ribbons, stockings, and garland during the post-Christmas sales. You can tie, tape, hang, and drape them practically anywhere.

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12. As per #11: Halloween decorations are highly compatible with more traditional Christmas decorations in the FSMas aesthetic. Hit the stores after 10/31 for the best deals.

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13. The ultimate score: pirate-themed Christmas decorations.

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IT’S A PIRATE NUTCRACKER Y’ALL!
(True story: I had to explain The Nutcracker to Shane.)
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14. The only thing better than pirates? ZOMBIE PIRATES.

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(Also, new this year: VAMPIRE PIRATES.)

 

15. It’s never too early to start thinking about next year’s theme.

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Hint, hint.
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I tried to take a picture of the tree with my new camera, and this happened.
THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!
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