Carbs & Rec: Cold Puppies

September 1st, 2014 12:30 pm by Kelly Garbato

“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz.’ I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’” – Episode 3.10, “Soulmates”

Old-ass grapes. Bear Drool. Brit Bagels.* If you can stuff it in your face, odds are that Tom Haverford has a Tom Haverfood-ism for it. In fact, Tom’s fly food wordplay is such a hit with fans that it’s spawned a website (, a tumblr (, and a twitter account (@TomHaverfoods), all of which proved instrumental to me meeting my 30-post quota for the month. Chances are, if it’s not a breakfast food, then it’s probably a Tom Haverfood.

To kick of VeganMoFo 2014 – and the week! – I come bearing Chili Dogs. Or Cold Puppies, as Tom would say.

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The chili recipe is an old one from Vegan Dad, which I’ve been meaning to try for forever. You guys, I don’t think I’ve ever had a chili dog before! Sad but true, and as of today, rectified. So the chili is a pretty delicious mix of chocolate, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, cumin, and vegan Worcestershire sauce, for a smoky and savory flavor. I also like that it uses TVP instead of beans, because the latter upsets my tummy. (Stomach: Calorie Cannibalizer.)

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For the pups, we went with the Lightlife brand Jumbo Smart Dogs and fried them on the stovetop. I know, blasphemy!: The package doesn’t even give directions for doing this! I could have burned the house down. (House fire: Smores Factory.)

And of course I made a side of fries, because what are chili dogs without chili fries? Also I needed something to hold the pups up. The first one nearly rolled off my plate as I was prepping it for the photo. Chili smears all over the plate! Shane ate that one. Yup, that’s how I roll.

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Care to guess which other Tom Haverfoods I’ll be taking a stab at this month?

* Raisins, honey, and English Muffins, respectively.


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4 Responses to “Carbs & Rec: Cold Puppies”

  1. Carbs & Rec: Cold Puppies » V for Vegan: | The <spb> Says:

    […] Carbs & Rec: Cold Puppies » V for Vegan: […]

  2. Miss Roulette Says:

    I’ve only just started to watch Parks and Rec, we’re a bit behind in the UK. Love the theme, think I’ll be making these cold puppies soon.

  3. Sarah Says:

    Love this theme!

  4. Kelly Garbato Says:

    @ Miss Roulette – Uh oh, I hope I don’t spoil anything for you! :)

    @ Sarah – I’m having so much fun with it!

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