Carbs & Rec: Sex Bites

September 11th, 2014 11:54 am by Kelly Garbato

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Quick! When I say “Parks & Rec,” which foods pop into your head?

Waffles? Check.

Eggs and bacon? You betcha.

Mac & cheese pizza? Hells yeah!

Bananas? Say what now!?!

Believe it or not, the unassuming banana has a long and storied history on Parks & Rec. From that one time Leslie demonstrated safe sex practices for Pawnee’s seniors with the assistance of a ginormous yellow banana,

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to Ron Swanson’s somewhat epic aversion to this healthy fruit,

bananas have made multiple appearances on Parks and Recreation.

Which brings us to “Go Big or Go Home,” the third season Parks & Rec opener, in which Leslie convinces Ann to go on a date with state auditor Chris Traeger and seduce him into giving the Parks Department more money.

Leslie: You know what’s always sexy? Fingerless gloves.
Ann: What about I wear this normal, sane outfit?
Leslie: Yeah okay, but you’re gonna have to eat something sexy, then, like a banana.
Ann: For dinner?
Leslie: Well, what’s sexy food? Asparagus? No, you know what’s sexy? Turkey chili. Yum.

Sadly I couldn’t find a video of this exchange, but methinks a coy, half-dressed crocheted banana will do just as well:

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When it comes to bananas, I think the sexiest way to eat ’em is like a dessert: covered in chocolate and dressed up with all your favorite toppings. So frozen banana bites seemed the obvious choice!

This is kind of a no-brainer, recipe-wise, but if you’re in need of a tutorial, this one from the kitchn is pretty handy. A slightly less popular variation on this theme is to make frozen, chocolate-covered banana and peanut butter sammie bites.

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Though I’ve thought about making this for a few summers straight now, laziness has always been my biggest obstacle – it just seems like so much work! And it is, kind of, and super-messy to boot, but ultimately so worth it! These little snacks are so chill they’ll set your teeth on edge, which is definitely a good thing when the thermometer’s topping out in the high 90s. Plus they’re really tasty and not terribly unhealthy.

Did I mention the bananas?

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So I tried things a little differently: prior to dipping and decorating the banana slices, I skewered ’em with toothpicks and then frozen them for about 90 minutes. The thinking was that it’d be easier to dip them into all my little bowls of goodies with the assistance of the toothpicks – which, of course, needed to be frozen in place for maximum leverage. And it was, kind of.

What I didn’t bank on was that the chocolate would freeze on contact. Remember, it’s mixed with a bit of coconut oil, which gives it that magical “magic shell” property. This wasn’t an insurmountable problem; it just meant that I had to work faster, and ended up with a thicker chocolate coating on each slice. The toothpicks were hella handy for this, but annoying to eat around. So there’s a bit of a trade-off either way.

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If you do go this route, parchment paper is a must. I had a few stray banana slices that didn’t fit on my cookie sheets, so I placed them my toaster oven pan, (unlined!), and they were damn near impossible to pry off.

Next time around, I also think I’ll make my slices a little thinner. These bad girl get awfully hard when frozen, and you can dam near break a tooth on some of the larger slices. I deliberately cut the ends thick for an extra-phallic look – perfect for the Ron Swanson bites, coated in chocolate and bacon bits.

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Among the other toppings I used: toasted pecans, coconut flakes, Dandies, Skittles (vegan in the US!), sprinkles, mini white chocolate chips, and even cinnamon sugar, which I abandoned pretty quickly when I realized that it wouldn’t photograph especially well.

Additional suggestions: any kind of nuts (peanuts, cashews, almonds, etc.); powdered sugar; crushed potato chips; crushed pretzels; red hots; your favorite cereal, pulverized with a food processor.

Post script: Even though Ann never did take a banana on that first date, her relationship with Chris became legendary.

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6 Responses to “Carbs & Rec: Sex Bites”

  1. Hannah Says:

    The bacon bit covered chocolate banana is blowing my mind. Yum <3

  2. Carbs & Rec: Sex Bites | The <spb> Says:

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  3. Kelly Garbato Says:

    I had my doubts (bacon + banans?), but they turned out to be my favorite!

  4. Julie Says:

    Ron Swanson definitely would have a much easier time eating bananas if he could have his own stash of these bacon bit covered ones! :)

  5. Taylor Says:

    Wowza! So excited to try these! Especially the bacon bit ones…

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