Carbs & Rec: Salad & Other Disgusting Things

September 23rd, 2014 12:26 pm by Kelly Garbato

Carbs & Rec - Double Bacon Cheeseburger Salad (0002)

SALAD. If there’s a food more universally reviled in Pawnee, I’d be hard-pressed to name it. (Dog laxative waffles, maybe?) From the manliest of meat-eaters to even those government employees who ought to know better, the cast of Parks & Rec never misses a moment to hate on leafy green meals.

First, we have the usual suspect: Ron Swanson, who refuses to eat the food that his food eats.

Chris: Ron, do you like some salad?
Ron: (giggling) Since I am a rabbit, no I do not.

“There’s been a mistake. You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”

And then there’s Leslie Knope, who never misses an opportunity to just say nope to salad, even though it seems like it ought to be right up this crusading, health conscious do-gooder’s alley:



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Of course, Leslie will make the occasional exception, at least where politics are concerned:

Racist Salad: “You can really taste the ignorance.”

Leslie even ruined salad for our beautiful, rule-breaking moth Ann Perkins, at least if this calender is any indication:


March 16th – Salad Day
Actually, this was a terrible day, and she made it a holiday for us so that in her words: “We never forget.”

I’m pretty sure that I could win both Ron and Leslie over with this Double Bacon Cheeseburger with Ranch (*whispers*) Salad. (The key is to whisper “salad” so that maybe they’ll miss it in all the excitement over the bacon and the beef and the cheddar and the ranch.) I’m also equally sure that both Chris and Ann would be horrified. This is hands down the junkiest junk food salad I’ve ever made. Awesome, in other words.

Carbs & Rec - Double Bacon Cheeseburger Salad (0004)

Enjoyed with a copy of The Sexual Politics of Meat because this.

The recipe is pretty intuitive, but here is it just in case.


Double Bacon Cheeseburger with Ranch (*whispers*) Salad

Carbs & Rec - Double Bacon Cheeseburger Salad (0007)


1 tablespoon olive oil
3 links Lightlife Smart Bacon
1/5 package Lightlife Gimme Lean, Ground Beef Style, crumbles
Red onion
Red pepper, diced
1 Roma tomato, sliced
Vegan bacon bits
Cheddar Daiya cheese
Ranch dressing (I used the recipe from Lane Gold’s Vegan Junk Food)


1. Line a plate with paper towels. Heat the oil in a large frying pan. Add the Smart Bacon and Gimme Lean; cook on each side until done. Transfer to the plate and allow to cool.

Optional: Instead of ranch, save the cooking oils and use it as a dressing. I swear I’m seen this done somewhere before. Betty Goes Vegan, maybe?

2. On a plate or deep bowl, layer the ingredients: spinach and lettuce; bacon; onions; peppers; tomatoes; ground beef; ranch dressing; Daiya cheese; and bacon bits. Toss and enjoy.


Carbs & Rec - Double Bacon Cheeseburger Salad (0013)

While I fixed my salad up all nice and purty for the photos, there was no way I could shovel all this goodness from plate to mouth without some major spillage. So I did the obvious thing: dumped it all in one giant Tupperware container, a la Councilman Milton. Hold the anchovies.

Next best thing to an actual feed trough.



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5 Responses to “Carbs & Rec: Salad & Other Disgusting Things”

  1. Susan Says:

    After the amazing carb-fest of the mac and cheese pizza, salad seems sensible. Bacon Cheeseburger salad is still salad, so it totally counts as health food. ;)

  2. Kelly Garbato Says:

    I like the way you think, Susan!

  3. Jojo Says:

    You might even be able to win me over with this salad. Maybe!

  4. Carbs & Rec: Salad & Other Disgusting Things » V for Vegan: | The <spb> Says:

    […] Carbs & Rec: Salad & Other Disgusting Things » V for Vegan: […]

  5. Laura Says:

    That salad looks delicious. I’m sure the population of Pawnee would approve!

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