♥♥ It’s Ralphie’s Gotcha Day! ♥♥

July 14th, 2015 7:39 pm by Kelly Garbato

To Ralphie

Fourteen years almost to the minute.

Instead of doing the melancholy, “where did the time go!?!” thing, here are four of my favorite Ralphie stories from the early days. If these anecdotes seem a little crude, just know that one of Ralphie’s nicknames was Ol’ Dirty Bastard.

  • His first few months with us, Ralphie did a brief stint as a panty thief. His penchant for my dirty skivvies was gross enough, but also really frustrating: I’ve always had trouble finding undies that fit properly and are comfortable, and here he was, ruining them all. And the damnedest thing is, to this day I still have no idea how he got his fix. I had a mesh fabric laundry bag at the time, and he could have made quick work of it if he’d wanted. But there wasn’t a single hole or chew mark on it!

    2002-09-27 - RalphieBone-0002

    Incidentally, he liked to stash them under the bed, in the same place he hoarded his half-chewed rawhides. Like I said, gross.

  • During trips home, Ralphie became sexually fixated on my parents’ dog Copper – who he tried repeatedly to hump, despite the comical size disparity. It was like watching a barnacle cling determinedly to the stern of a ship.

    2003-11-28 - Mike&Dogs-018

    Incidentally, Copper often tried to hump (a very horrified) Peedee.

    2006-09-19 - DogTimesFive-0090

  • When he was upset with me – maybe I went on a walk without him, or just had to pop out to run some errands – he’d poop in the house to signal his displeasure. But always in a slightly out-of-the-way spot, like the library or behind the bathroom door. Often I wouldn’t find it until hours later, and omg the cleanup.

    2008-02-23 - Patio Poop - 0001 [modified bathroom - 4x6 300dpi]

    Incidentally, a picture of “patio poop” was the best I could do by way of illustration.

  • He was usually pretty trustworthy around food, except for this one time I foolishly left an Amy’s pizza on the coffee table. Probably I ran into the bathroom for a contact emergency. Anyway, I come out just in time to see Ralphie hightailing it around the corner with a quarter of the pizza stuffed in his mouth.

    2009-12-01 - Ralphie Pizza - 0006

    Incidentally, yes – because I know you all are wondering! – I did finish that pizza. You know I did.

    Sunday Afternoon (original)

    Happy trails, little guy. I still think about you all the time. (*hoof hoof*)

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