The resemblance is spooktacular!
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Earlier this week, I feeling hungry and lazy and craving some pizza, but the husband – oh maker of all things pita pizza ’round these parts – was at work and thus unable to service me the way I so often required servicing (i.e. WITH FOOD. I’ll pause for a sec so that you can picture that, mkay.) The horras, right? After a little moping and low blood sugar-induced faintness (I know, such a child!), I realized that I had some white rolls sitting in the fridge. Perfect for mini toaster oven pizzas, just like dad used to make me as a kid!

The first few batches came out looking like angel wings to me, at least when you touched them tip-to-tip, like so; but, after further noming, I saw that the shape of the rolls was just the slightest bit curvy, and vaguely reminiscent of a ghost. And so Casper the Friendly Ghost Pizzas were born! (Also: an excuse to eat more mini pizzas!)

These are super-simple and quick to make, with maybe five minutes of assembly and ten minutes of cook time required. You just need:

Start by cutting the roll down the middle. Add the red sauce, followed by the cheese, “eyes” and “mouth.” Bake in a toaster oven at 425 degrees F for ten to fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is nice and melty. Eat and repeat!

(Fyi, if you can’t find any ghost-shaped rolls, use something round – like a soyburger bun or English Muffin – and make a mummy instead!)

For the cheese, I went with Vegan Gourmet’s Follow Your Heart. Rather than shredding it, I cut thin strips from the block, thinking that layered pieces would give more even white coverage. I also added a few shreds towards the bottom of each ghost’s body, for that ragged, ripped sheet effect. Pre-cooking, they looked more like goatees than anything else. Pubescent Casper, represent!
 

Kelly food. Yeah, that’s what.

 
* Sorry for the caps, I JUST LOVE PIZZA SO MUCH!

This year’s picks include a few films that might be loosely described as vegan-friendly, inasmuch as they contain elements that are potentially anti-speciesist or might otherwise appeal to vegan sensibilities: vivisection that triggers an apocalyptic plague; nonhuman “monsters” who prove more human than the story’s human protagonists; cow meat pies secretly swapped for those containing bits of human flesh; bird flu and mad cow disease; exploited animals out for revenge – all these and more make for a “vegan-friendly” horror flick. “Veg-sploitation,” in more colorful terms. (Like “sexploitation,” but SEXIER! AND VEGAN! ‘CAUSE VEGAN = SEXY, YO.)

For those who’d like in on the festivities, I’ve compiled a list of veg-sploitation horror flicks that appeal to the vegan zombie in all of us. (What’s that? You don’t like horror movies? LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!) Many of these I’ve seen, some I haven’t; so there are bound to be a few lemons on the list. (Poultrygeist, I’m looking at you!) Most are pretty f’in awesome, though.

In the queue this year: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Soylent Green, along with three or four more as-of-yet undetermined movies.

Got a favorite vegan-friendly horror flick I missed? Tell us in the comments!

(Unless otherwise noted, the summaries are snagged from Netflix.)

Soylent Green (1973) – “Set in a polluted, congested New York City in 2022, this sci-fi thriller stars Charlton Heston as Robert Thorn, a gumshoe looking into the murder of a corporate executive (Joseph Cotten) whose company makes a nutritious synthetic food called Soylent Green. But in the process of tracking down the killer, Thorn unearths shocking information about the product’s ingredients. The cast also includes the great Edward G. Robinson in his last film role.” Soylent Green is people! No more outrageous than if it were chickens!

Attack of the Vegan Zombies! (2009) – “Joe and his wife Dionne have had yet another bad crop for their winery. Faced with the prospect of losing the family farm, Dionne convinces her mother (a witch) to cast a spell upon next year’s crop. The crop is such a success that Joe hires some college students to help them harvest. However, when a nosy neighbor begins poking around in the fields, he finds out more than he bargained for. Now the question isn’t how to best harvest the crop, it’s how to keep from being harvested!” I do not understand where the vegan zombies fit in, but I would like to find out! (plot summary via imdb)

Isolation (2005) – “On a desolate farm in the Irish countryside, destitute Dan Reilly (John Lynch) — in return for cold cash — allows his heifers to be part of a genetic study intended to boost bovine fertility and beef output … until the experiment goes awry. When one of his cows spawns lethal mutants, Dan and a few other unlucky folks suffer the repercussions of meddling with nature in this unsettling chiller also starring Essie Davis and Marcel Iures.”

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – “Director Tobe Hooper’s horror classic is a gruesome reminder that a movie need not be complicated to scare the daylights out of viewers. Sally (Marilyn Burns), her wheelchair-bound brother (Paul A. Partain) and their friends travel to a vandalized graveyard to see if their grandfather’s remains are intact. En route, they come upon chainsaw-wielding maniac Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen), and it’s a fight to the bloody death between good and evil.” The greatest vegetarian movie of all time?

King Kong (2005) – “Set in the 1930s, Peter Jackson’s remake of the black-and-white classic follows a group of adventurous explorers and filmmakers (including Jack Black, Adrien Brody and Andy Serkis) to mysterious Skull Island, where they search for a legendary giant gorilla known as King Kong. The team battles dinosaurs and, with the help of a beautiful woman (Naomi Watts), manages to capture the mighty ape and ship him back to New York.” Like Rise of the Planet of the Apes, minus the ape revenge fantasy. A kind of prequel, perhaps?

Alien Resurrection (1997) – “Sigourney Weaver and Winona Ryder star in the fourth installment of the Alien series. Two hundred years after Lt. Ripley (Weaver) died, a group of scientists clone her, hoping to breed the ultimate weapon. But the new Ripley is full of surprises … as are the new aliens. Ripley must team with a band of smugglers (including Ryder) to keep the creatures from reaching Earth. Includes the theatrical and extended cuts of the film.” The scene in which Ripley stumbles upon the failed Ripley clones – her sisters – shattered my heart into a million pieces. Since when is Alien a tearjerker!?!

Willard (2003) – “In this remake of the 1971 horror film by the same name, Crispin Glover plays a shy young man named Willard who is constantly pestered by his co-workers and has no friends save for his beloved pet rats. When one of the rats is killed at work, Willard exacts bloody revenge on all those who did him wrong — with the help of his furry friend Ben, an unusually intelligent (and lethal) rat who leads his cohorts to commit horrific murders.” Okay, so maybe Willard proved to be a back-stabbing, narcissistic frenemy to his posse of rodent roommates. But still: A POSSE OF RATS! If I lived in NYC, I’d totes be a female Willard, but better. As in, nicer to the rats.

28 Days Later (2002) – “Twenty-eight days after a killer virus was accidentally unleashed from a British research facility, a small group of London survivors (including Cillian Murphy and Brendan Gleeson) are caught in a desperate struggle to protect themselves from the infected. Carried by animals and humans, the virus turns those it infects into homicidal maniacs — and it’s absolutely impossible to contain. Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) directs.” There goes vivisection, unleashing a zombie apocalypse again! When will we learn? Also: Cillian Murphy and Naomie Harris. Yes please!

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) – “Johnny Depp reteams with director Tim Burton for this big-screen adaptation of the hit Broadway musical, earning an Oscar nod as vengeful Sweeney Todd, who becomes a deranged murderer after being falsely imprisoned by a sinister judge (Alan Rickman). To cover his tracks, Todd enlists the help of Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), who disposes of the victims by baking them into tasty meat pies that become the toast of London.” Reviewed by yours truly here.

Little Shop of Horrors (1986) – “Plant yourself in front of the tube and veg out with Frank Oz’s horticultural horror flick. Gawky Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis), looking for a way to save his job in a ramshackle, skid row flower shop, purchases a curious exotic plant hoping it will make business bloom. And it does. There’s just one problem: The little creeper possesses a rapacious appetite for fresh human plasma … and it’s mushrooming out of control!” A carnivorous, human-munching plant. From the ’80s. IN MUSICAL FORMAT. This one’s a must-see, odontophobia be damned!

Zombieland (2009) – “An easily spooked guy, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), joins forces with wild man Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) to fight for survival in a world virtually taken over by freakish zombies. As they destroy scores of the undead, they meet up with two other survivors, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) and Wichita (Emma Stone), and journey to a supposedly safe abandoned amusement park. Ruben Fleischer directs this horror romp.” Two words: VEGAN TWINKIES! Two more: Woody Harrelson!

Daybreakers (2009) – “Earth’s population is up against a vicious plague that’s transforming everyone into vampires and draining the world of an increasingly precious resource: blood. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) and “Elvis” Cormac (Willem Dafoe) must decide what happens next. As the human race count nears zero, will vampires feast on the few men and women who remain, or could science hold the key to a less destructive solution? Sam Neill and Claudia Karvan co-star.” With the development of synthetic blood, are vampires morally obligated to dine on it, instead of humans? Or does their physical superiority give them the right to dominate this “lesser” species?

Swamp Thing (1982) – “When the botanical experiments of Dr. Alec Holland go awry and a lab explosion renders him more plant than man, rival scientist Anton Arcane plans to capture the Swamp Thing and learn his secrets.”

Black Sheep (2006) – “On a quiet New Zealand ranch, a genetic experiment has gone horribly wrong, transforming a calm flock of sheep into killers hungry for human blood in this outrageous comic gore-fest. Those bitten become ravenous were-sheep. As the body count rises, a desperate handful of outnumbered survivors take a last stand against the bovine onslaught. Who will live, and who will be the next victim of the vicious killer sheep?” …and hilarity ensues.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006) – “What happens when a fast-food chicken franchise is built on a sacred Native American burial site rife with restless spirits? Zombie chickens! Now it’s up to high school grad Arbie (Jason Yachanin) to find a way to destroy the featherless fiends. Or will the fowl beasts turn the hungry drive-thru customers into the insatiable undead, too? This gleeful free-range romp through the supernatural also features Kate Graham and Allyson Sereboff.”

Severed: Forest of the Dead (2006) – “When a forestry company’s profit-driven decision to genetically engineer trees goes horribly wrong, a mismatched group of loggers and environmental activists become ravenous flesh-eating zombies. And although a few uninfected survivors remain, their chances of getting out of the wilderness alive are as remote as the forest itself. An ensemble cast stars in this undead gore fest that makes a run-in with a wood chipper seem tame.” I’M ROOTING FOR THE ABOLITIONIST VEGANS. (Rooting! Get it?)

Dead Meat (2004) – “You are what you eat! The seventh level of hell is unleashed when a mutated strain of mad cow disease infects the countryside, turning people into flesh-eating zombies that like their food … fast! Caught in the middle of this gory upheaval is Helena (Marian Araujo), a young Spanish tourist, and Desmond (David Muyllaert), the local gravedigger. Together, they must join forces and fight for survival or else become appetizers in a zombie feast.” Horror flick or speculative fiction? You decide!

Mad Cowgirl (2006) – “Director Gregory Hatanaka’s decidedly twisted thriller stars Sarah Lassez as Therese, a health inspector whose progressively delusional psyche leads her on a surreal — and bloody — odyssey. To cope with her marital split, Therese takes up with a slimy televangelist (Walter Koenig), indulges her appetites for sex and beef, and obsesses over a kung fu TV show. Meanwhile, her meat packer brother (James Duval) may have infected her with mad cow disease.” Ew.

Meat Market (2001) – “When two former employees of a company that conducts bizarre medical experiments put two and two together, they realize that a series of “animal attacks” reported by the media are actually the work of flesh-eating zombies created by the company. As the walking dead invade the city, the two truth-seekers team up with three vampire women, a washed-up Mexican wrestler, a wounded soldier and a mysterious scientist to fight for their lives.”

Flu Birds (2008) – “A tight-knit group of teens find themselves fighting for their lives when unexpected visitors — a flock of flesh-eating birds infected by a malicious virus — crash their carefree camping trip in the woods. With each deadly swoop, the flying predators are spreading their dangerous strain and transforming the locals into bird feed. Can a shrinking group of survivors fight back and reclaim the skies?” The Birds meets Bird Flu meets zombies. Hello, awesomeness!

Beast Within (2008) – “Terror catapults onto the screen as a new form of avian flu turns its unsuspecting victims into voracious zombies. Pleasure-seeking 20-somethings partying in a remote mansion must then battle the flesh-eating monsters and the infected birds. Armed with flamethrowers, brawn and scientific know-how, the friends barricade themselves against the horrors of the night, but will any of them live to see the morning light?” See: above, plus flamethrowers.

Masters of Horror: Dario Argento: Pelts (2006) – “Sleazy fur trader Jake Feldman (Meat Loaf) will do just about anything for a quality skin. When Jake crosses paths with a trapper (John Saxon) offering raccoon pelts, he jumps at the chance to score big bucks and win a stripper’s heart. Little does Jake know that the supernatural furs wield bloody revenge upon anyone who covets them. This very different kind of skin flick is the 19th episode of the hit Showtime series.” MEAT LOAF! “I would dew anyTHING for LOVE…”

Harry and the Hendersons (1987) – “Returning home from vacation, the Hendersons — George (John Lithgow), Nancy (Melinda Dillon), daughter Sarah (Margaret Langrick) and son Ernie (Joshua Rudoy) — accidentally run over a strange Bigfoot-type animal (Kevin Peter Hall). They decide to take the friendly “Harry” home and adopt him as a pet. But soon, they’re scrambling to hide their new friend from authorities and Bigfoot hunters. This charming family film won a Best Makeup Oscar.” Not a horror film – heck, not even a monster movie, as evidenced by Harry’s gentle demeanor and compassion for his fellow nonhumans – but I just had to include it on this list anyway. I COULDN’T NOT INCLUDE IT! It’s Harry and the fucking Hendersons, yo! A vegan classic.

One word: omnomnomnom!
 
Caramel Ice Cream with Chocolate Pretzel Bark

Ingredients

…for the ice cream!

1 cup soy milk, divided
2 tablespoons arrowroot powder
2 cups soy creamer
3/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 cup caramel sauce

(I used the Soft-Set Caramel recipe found in the December 2010 issue of VegNews, mostly because I had some left over from a previous batch of caramel ice cream. But you can just as easily use a recipe from the interwebs, such as this one from The Spooky Vegan.)

…for the chocolate bark!

4 cups pretzels
12 ounces vegan chocolate chips
1 teaspoon pretzel salt

Directions

…make the ice cream batter!

1. In a small bowl or mug, combine 1/4 cup of the soy milk with the arrowroot powder. Whisk briskly and set aside.

2. In a saucepan, combine the remaining 3/4 cup of the soy milk with all of the soy creamer and sugar. Bring to a slow boil, stirring constantly.

3. Once the mix begins to boil, remove from heat and add the arrowroot “slurry.” This will cause the batter to thicken noticeably. Add the vanilla extract and mix well. Chill in the fridge for four to six hours or more. (Usually I prefer to let the batter chill overnight.)

…make the chocolate bark!

4. Using either a tightly sealed plastic bag and a rolling pin or a food processor (or your own hands), crush the pretzels into small bits roughly 1/5 of their original size. Set aside.

5. In a medium-sized, microwave-safe bowl, microwave the chocolate chips on high for one minute. Stir and heat again, in fifteen- to twenty-second increments, until the chips are all melted.

6. Add the pretzels to the chocolate chips and stir well. Spread out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper using a large spoon. Try to spread the mix as thin as possible; pretzels layered two or three high will be harder to break apart once hardened. Sprinkle the pretzel salt on top for an extra-salty treat, Let chill in the freezer for at least a half an hour. When cold, break the bark apart into smaller pieces. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.

…make the ice cream!

7. Combine the ice cream batter and caramel sauce, mixing well with a whisk. Pour the batter into your ice cream machine and process according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

8. When done, transfer your ice cream into an airtight container. Enjoy immediately as soft serve or chill in the fridge for an hour or so for a thicker, more frozen dessert.

9. You can either add the Chocolate Pretzel Bark to the batter as it’s dispensed (or scooped by hand) from the ice cream machine, or as you serve the ice cream – just mix a little in as you scoop it, or use it as a topping. Unless you’re going to scarf the entire quart of ice immediately, I recommend the latter: the pretzels stay fresher on their own in the fridge than when mixed in with the ice cream and frozen.
 

Kaylee circa 2007, after her second round of dental surgery. If you look closely (or click through to flickr for the notes!), you can see how her mouth is lopsided: many of the teeth on the left side of her mouth were removed, making her look adorably silly, but also kinda sad. As of yesterday, the “fang” on the right side of her mouth is now history, too.
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At our request, the vet also removed some rather large fatty deposits – which had been growing progressively larger over the past few years – from her left shoulder and right side. The one near her rib cage was especially stubborn coming out, and she’s got the 2″-long, ragged, angry red incision to prove it. Her shoulder looks even worse: because she had two lumps there (don’t worry, all benign, thank dog!), he had to make two separate incisions, which kind of meld together visually for an especially horrifying effect. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Because Kaylee’s barred from kibble for a few days, I decided to make a special pot of oatmeal, just for her! (Always express your love through food, yo! Nourishment for the body and the soul!) Given this week’s Iron Chef ingredients, I thought it might be fun to experiment with carrot oatmeal for a change. In addition to the standard dried cranberries, I mixed in pulverized bits of carrot (easy to eat!), blackstrap molasses (good for you!), and a pinch of cinnamon and brown sugar (sweetness and spice for the sweetest, spiciest lady I know!).

It’s Iron Chef, Doggie Edition!
 

Kaylee, licking her bowl…
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Cinnamon Cranberry Carrot Oatmeal (for dogs and their peoples!)

(Makes approximately four to six adult, human servings.)

Ingredients

7 cups water
2 large carrots
1 cup dried cranberries
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons blackstrap molasses
3 cups quick oats

Directions

1. Wash, peel and dice the carrots. In a food processor, process them until they’re finely chopped. Set aside.

2. In a large pot, bring the water to a boil. Add the carrots and cook on medium for several minutes. Add the cranberries and spices and continue to cook for another five to ten minutes, stirring every few minutes.

3. Add the quick oats and cook for another five minutes, or until the oats are tender and the consistency of the oatmeal is to your liking. If the oatmeal’s too thick, don’t be afraid to add a little extra water or soy milk. Mix well and serve warm!
 

…and everyone else’s. Twice!
What can I say, the lady loves to eat.
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After sleeping on it for an hour (or two or three! sue me!), I decided upon veggie pancakes. You might not have noticed (lol, who am I kidding?), but I’ve been on something of a breakfast pancake kick this month. So its heartier dinner counterpart seems about right.

For this dish, I substituted processed quick oats for the flour I’d normally use to bind the veggies together, and it worked like a charm. If you don’t have any green onions on hand, feel free to sub in a leek (and maybe a little onion powder) instead. Veggie pancakes are a versatile dish, so don’t be afraid to experiment. (Hint: tomatoes taste delicious when paired with zucchini and fried in a skillet.)
 
Quick Oat & Veggie Pancakes

Ingredients

1/2 cup quick oats
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Egg substitute equivalent to 1 egg (I used NRG Egg Replacer: 1 1/2 teaspoons powder mixed with 2 tablespoons warm water.)
1/4 cup soy milk
1 large carrot, grated (about 1 cup’s worth)
1 medium-sized zucchini, grated (about 1 cup’s worth)
1 green onion (or leek), sliced and diced
margarine

Directions

1. Process the quick oats in a blender or food processor until they’re finely ground. In a medium-sized bowl, combine the ground oats, baking powder, salt and pepper and mix well.

2. In another bowl, combine the carrots, zucchini, onion, soy milk and egg substitute. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and stir until combined.

3. In a medium-sized skillet, heat the margarine on medium, using just enough to coat the bottom of the pan (about 1 tablespoon per pancake). Pour the batter into the pan, forming a pancake five or six inches in diameter. Using a spatula, pat the veggies down firmly; be sure to pat the sides as well, pushing any stray veggies back into the pancake. Cook on each side until golden brown. Enjoy immediately!

Optional: Rather than making all the pancakes at once, you can store any extra batter in the fridge and cook it as needed. The pancakes taste way better fresh than reheated, so it’s a thought!

The want is strong with this one!
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Tender baked apples, seasoned with chai tea spices: that about sums it up!

Serve with ice cream, oatmeal, pancakes – or warm on its own – for a delicious, healthy treat.
 
Baked Chai Apples

Ingredients

6 cups apples, diced
1 cup water
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1/2 teaspoon cardamom

Directions

In a small bowl or measuring cup, combine the water with the sugar and spices and mix well with a fork or whisk. Place the diced apples in an 8×8″ glass baking pan and add the water; stir well, until all the apples are coated in spices. Bake at 425 degrees F for 30 to 45 minutes or until tender.
 
Serve warm with…

a scoop of vanilla ice cream!

Store-bought or homemade, you can’t lose.

your morning bowl of oatmeal!

For extra chai goodness, use the leftover liquid juices to cook your quick oats.

pancakes!

Pictured is an oven-baked pancake; let’s just say that I’m still refining the recipe and leave it at that, mkay? THE APPLES WERE DELICIOUS THOUGH!

What about y’all? What gets your pancakes flipping?

* Damn you military time! I keep accidentally scheduling posts for early morning instead of early afternoon. Insert sigh here.

The next time an omni asks you where you get your protein, tell ‘em “IN MY ICE CREAM!” Snap!
 
Oh Nuts! Banana Ice Cream

Ingredients

5 over-ripe bananas, peeled, sliced and frozen
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup almond butter
2 tablespoons flax seeds
1/4 cup walnuts
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup peanuts
1/4 cup cashews

Directions

Combine the walnuts, almonds, peanuts and cashews in a food processor and pulse until they’re chopped to your liking. Transfer to a large, airtight container and set aside.

Combine the frozen bananas, peanut butter, almond butter and flax seeds in a food processor and mix until smoothly blended. Try not to overprocess the batter, as this can result in soupy ice cream.

Add the ice cream batter to the chopped nuts and mix well. Enjoy immediately or, if the soft serve is too much on the soft side, store in the freezer for an hour or until it’s thickened up a bit. Hint: it’s the perfect pick me up for a blah Monday morning breakfast!

Optional: Sub in your own favorite nuts in place of those suggested above; e.g., for a peanut & almond-y dessert, omit the walnuts and cashews and use a half cup each of peanuts and almonds.

Or, for a less crunchy ice cream, reduce the total amount of nuts to half a cup.
 

Along with pita pizza, spaghetti with soy-meatballs, potato soup and salad, this is one of my favorite go-to dinner dishes. (Pasta and veggies in a garlic-basil-tomato flavored olive oil sauce, yum!) Alas, I’ve made it so many times that I don’t work with a recipe, just my own eyeballs. But it’s a pretty simple and straightforward dish, so here goes.

Linguine with Sautéed Veggies in a Garlic-Basil-Tomato Olive Oil “Sauce”

Ingredients

Olive oil
Minced garlic
Basil
Diced tomatoes, fresh or canned
Sundried tomatoes
Cauliflower, fresh or frozen
Diced carrots (fresh, always!)
Black olives
Kalamata olives
Mushrooms, fresh or canned
Optional: A little extra tomato juice for flavor
Linguine (or the pasta of your choice)

Directions

Start by sautéing your veggies. I usually go with a mix of tomatoes (if you’re using canned, juice and all!), carrots, cauliflower, black olives, Kalamata olives and mushrooms, cooked in a touch of olive oil and seasoned with minced garlic and a generous helping of basil. (Basil love, I’m feeling it!) How many veggies you use depends on a) how much pasta you’re cooking and b) the ratio of pasta to veggies you’re aiming for. I like a lot of veggies on my pasta, and I also make large servings at once, so I load up on the veggies. BIG TIME! (As in, I’ll commonly use a few cans each of olives, mushrooms and tomatoes, a half bag each of carrots and cauliflower, and multiple tablespoons of garlic and basil.)

Normally I cook the veggies in two batches: tomatoes, carrots and cauliflower are grouped together because I like them all on the tender side, while the olives and mushrooms are paired off due to their similar cooking times. (If you go this route, remember to add garlic and basil to each batch for maximum flavor!) Also, I tend to make extra-large helpings, especially when pasta is involved; since the husband and I are too busy (read: lazy) to cook, we live off the leftovers during the rest of the week. The point being, my veggies won’t usually fit in just one skillet, anyway. If you’re making a smaller meal, feel free to use one pan, adding veggies to the mix as the cooking progresses.

Use enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pan, but not so much that the veggies are swimming in it. The easiest way to screw up this dish is to use too much olive oil, so pour carefully! You can always add more later. (Tip: add a dash of water to the pan as the liquid cooks down to keep the veggies from sticking and also minimize your use of oil. Also: mix in a few extra tablespoons of tomato juice for flavor!)

Once the veggies are nearly done cooking, prepare the pasta according to the directions on the box. When done, drain and combine with the veggies – olive oil and all, just dump the whole pan in there! – in a large pot or container. Any leftovers will keep in the fridge for about a week. Reheat in the microwave.

You might remember that I promised to veganize this, um, “foodstuff” last mofo, after the husband baked Lightlife Smart Bacon into a batch of blueberry pancakes. He found it an excellent idea, but I couldn’t get past the blueberry-bacon flavor combo. (Ewww!) This year I thought I’d up the ante, and boy did I. But not in a gross way! These baked sausage pancakes are delicious, and surprisingly easy to make. All you need is a batch of pancake batter, eight vegan sausage links and a canoe pan. (Like you’d use to make vegan Twinkies. Which I’ve also done!)

If you don’t have a canoe pan, try a cupcake shape! Probably you’ll need to cut the links in halves or thirds so that they’ll fit – but on the plus size, you’ll have silver dollar-shaped pancakes instead (and more of them, too). It’s a win-win!
 

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil
8 vegan breakfast sausage links (I used Lightlife Smart Links)
2 cups Bisquick
1 1/2 cup soy milk
Egg substitute equivalent to two eggs (I used Ener-G Egg Replacer)
1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional)
Cooking spray
Powdered sugar (optional)
Chopsticks, 4 pairs (optional)

Directions

1. In a large skillet, heat two tablespoons of olive oil on medium. Add the sausage links and cook on medium until golden brown. remove from heat and set aside.

2. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. In a medium bowl, combine the Bisquick, soy milk and egg substitute and mix well. (A whisk might come in handy here!) If desired, toss in a handful – 1/4 cup or so – of chocolate chips.

3. Spray your canoe boat with cooking spray; be careful to get the surface areas as well as the canoe cavities, as the pancakes will puff up when they cook. Carefully pour the pancake batter into each cavity in turn, until each one is just under 3/4 full. Add the links: center each sausage in its cavity and then gently press down with a butter knife (or your fingers) until it’s submerged in pancake batter. If necessary, use the knife to spread the batter around and evenly cover each link in batter. If desired, sprinkle a bit of powdered sugar on top of each pancake sausage.

4. Bake at 425 degrees F for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove the pancakes from the pan immediately.

5. Enjoy warm with a side of maple syrup! If you’re feeling fancy, serve them on a stick: ram a chopstick through each canoe horizontally (they go in surprisingly easy). This is really only practical if you buy them off a street vendor, though; easier to slice them into fifths and eat with a fork. Whole canoe pancakes also make for a fun (but greasy!) finger food.
 

Optional: Sub in your own favorite pancake recipe in place of the Bisquick-based stuff.

Full disclosure: When all was said and done, we only ended up making one chocolate chip pancake; instead of adding the chips to the batter, I threw a few into a single canoe cavity after I’d poured the batter. If you’re the experimental type, this is an easy way to try out different flavor combos.

FWIW, Shane was a fan of the Chocolate Chip Pancakes and Sausage à la Jimmy Dean and ridiculed by Jon Stewart. To each his own, eh?