Category: Food & Recipes, Human

Carbs & Rec: Long-Ass Rice with Creamy Lemon-Zucchini Sauce

Monday, September 29th, 2014

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I promised myself I wouldn’t make any pasta dishes this VeganMoFo. Well, besides the Chicken Cacciatore. And that crazy deep dish mac & cheese pizza. Oh, and also the five-cheese macaroni and cheese I made for Mac & Cheese Monday a few weeks before that. YOU GET THE IDEA. I pretty much live on the stuff the rest of the year, and trying new things is part of the point of my themes. A minor one but still.

AND THEN.

A copy of Sharon Gannon’s (then-upcoming; now recently available) Simple Recipes for Joy unexpectedly appeared in my mailbox.

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(Thanks, Avery Books!)

And, in a fortuitous twist, I found a ton of recipes (okay, six) that call for pounds of zucchini (LITERALLY), which was really pretty great because at the time my garden was spitting out zukes faster than I could pick them.

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Carbs & Rec: Real Men Eat Quiche Lorraine

Sunday, September 28th, 2014

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Originally I was going to whip up a batch of Maple Bacon Doughnuts for the very last Swanson Sunday of VeganMoFo 2014. Aaaaand then Shane made his annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas and returned with several dozen vegan donuts from Ronald’s. I didn’t think my pants would forgive me if I made even more baked goods, so. Real Men Eat Quiche Lorraine it is!

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Carbs & Rec: I MADE CREPES!!!

Saturday, September 27th, 2014

We are getting down to the wire, Pawnee, and I am pulling out ALL THE STOPS.

(Just wait until you see what I’ve got planned for Tuesday.

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For realsies!)

Today on Carbs & Rec, I attempt to do something I never thought I would-could-should do: make crepes!

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And – spoiler alert – it was not a total disaster. Not a tear was shed nor a crepe destroyed.

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Carbs & Rec: You Just Got JAMMED! Kolaches (and a Jeremy Jamm Gif Dump)

Friday, September 26th, 2014

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You guys. I have a confession to make. I’m kinda sorta in love with Jeremy Jamm. The character, not the person, because that would be gross.

(Also, I may or may not have set the top image to my desktop background. Jump down to the botton of this post for a bigger, badder, Jammier version.)

As one of Pawnee’s council members and a local dentist/businessman, Councilman Jamm represents all that’s wrong with American politics: corruption, bribery, backroom dealing, $$$. He’s racist and sexist (though not as quaintly so as some of the older councilmen). He uses his public position for personal profit. He can frequently be seen trading his votes for favors (such as when Leslie had to promise to buy Invisalign from Dr. Jamm in exchange for his vote in favor of extending the community pool’s hours). He is unequivocally, unabashedly horrible: a petty, self-absorbed man.

And yet. He’s the kind of villain you love to hate. It’s like Robert McDonnell, Lindsey Graham, and Paul Ryan all rolled into one odious, fictional little package. (Emphasis on fictional.)

Remember that time Leslie and Jamm performed a karaoke duet of “Summer Nights,” but with the gender roles reversed? OF COURSE YOU DO!

This is easily one of my all-time favorite moments. Amy Poehler does a mean scumbag Travolta impression. I’m actually kind of pissed that I can’t find a full-length version online. NBC, get on that!

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Carbs & Rec: Moo Pies

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

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If you don’t own a copy of The Best Veggie Burgers on the Planet, you are seriously missing out.

Exhibit A: this Bacon Cheeseburger from the Heartland.

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“But where’s the (vegan) bacon and (nondairy) cheese?” you’re probably asking yourself. IT’S BUILT RIGHT INTO THE BURGER.

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I just blew your mind, right.

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Waffle Wednesday: ‘Christmas in September’ Gingerbread Waffles with Butter Rum Sauce

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

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So today is officially Christmas in September as we observe this Waffle Wednesday with a heaping stack o’ Gingerbread Waffles from Vegan Brunch!

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Actually, I write this post from the sweltering heat of July, back when I thought that VeganMoFo would fall in August; and while Christmas in July does sound better, it is what it is. A waffle by another other name is just as sweet. No really! I nearly passed out not ten minutes in to dinner. I don’t even think I made it through the first commercial break of The Americans.

Leslie Knopes what I’m talking ’bout.

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These waffles are true to their name – they taste just like warm, cozy gingerbread, and are so yummy that you could probably eat ‘em undecorated with no regrets.

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Carbs & Rec: Salad & Other Disgusting Things

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014

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SALAD. If there’s a food more universally reviled in Pawnee, I’d be hard-pressed to name it. (Dog laxative waffles, maybe?) From the manliest of meat-eaters to even those government employees who ought to know better, the cast of Parks & Rec never misses a moment to hate on leafy green meals.

First, we have the usual suspect: Ron Swanson, who refuses to eat the food that his food eats.

Chris: Ron, do you like some salad?
Ron: (giggling) Since I am a rabbit, no I do not.
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Mac & Cheese Monday: Deep Dish Mac & Cheese Pizza

Monday, September 22nd, 2014

You guys, this scene made me so happy – the reference is so random and unexpected, plus PIZZA. And not just any pizza; MAC & CHEESE PIZZA!

Leslie and Ben are officially my people.

Let’s see it again, in gif form:

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Yup, I kinda sorta do.

So there was no doubt that I’d have to make a mac & cheese pizza this mofo.

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Carbs & Rec: ALL the Bacon & Eggs I Have!

Sunday, September 21st, 2014

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I’m worried what you just heard was, “Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.” Do you understand?
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Ron Swanson is a simple man. He likes pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food, and frequents strip clubs strictly for the all-you-can-eat buffets. When in doubt, serve him bacon and eggs. Preferably all the bacon and eggs in the house.

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So when Shane and I were brainstorming how to do this quote justice, we came up with two ideas: a) Photoshop a weird collage of all the bacon and eggs I’ve ever made, with a disembodied Swanson head superimposed on top (Shane) or b) actually cook up an oversized platter of bacon and eggs (me).

I was torn, so I did the next best thing: them both!

Exhibit A: The Vegan Bacon & Eggs Poster.

all the bacon and eggs collage (with quote)

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Carbs & Rec: The Highest Honor That Flour Can Achieve

Saturday, September 20th, 2014

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Okay, so Chris Traeger and I have a *slight* difference of opinion here. (PIZZA! PIZZA IS THE HIGHEST HONOR THAT FLOUR CAN ACHIEVE!) But who am I to disagree with the first human being to live 150 years?

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Carbs & Rec: I’m Sorry I Adopted ALL THE ANIMALS! Pancakes

Friday, September 19th, 2014

“How did you sleep? I adopted 32 cats and dogs.
Do you want pancakes? I’m going to make pancakes.”
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Remember that time Bradley Whitford threatened to cut the Parks Department budget, but Leslie inadvertently convinced him to take the money from the animal shelter instead? Then, in a fit of guilt, she adopted all 32 animals – dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and YES THAT IS A PIG – and offered to make it up to Ben with a pancake breakfast? OF COURSE YOU DO. I know that because, if you’re an animal person, no doubt your parent/spouse/roommate was side-eying you during the entire scene, praying to the great dog above that it didn’t give you Any Ideas. Let’s just say that, for the next week, Shane was afraid to leave the house.

Naturally, and because she is not a heartless monster, Leslie found a way to resolve the situation to everyone’s satisfaction: she convinced her opponent Bobby Newport to fund the animal shelter with just a small portion of his Sweetums fortune. Everyone wins, including the usually indifferent April Ludgate, who finds her true calling: helping the animals of Pawnee.

“I think I may have found a project I’d actually enjoy doing: helping these cats and dogs. They should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.”
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April throws an adoption fair; one lucky dog gets a new girl (yay!), but on the downside, a woman abandons two cats.

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Carbs & Rec: Chris Traeger’s Tofurky Burger Challenge

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

The tenth episode of season three (“Soulmates”) is one memorable episode in an entire season filled with memorable Parks & Rec episodes. And I’m not referring to Tom’s epic prank on Leslie, from which the show gets its title.

(Remember, he signed up for the same dating service as Leslie and convinced her that their software put them at a 98% match?

Priceless.)

Nope, I’m thinking of Chris Traeger’s Turkey Burger Challenge. Faced with alarming health statistics, Chris vows to put healthier fare on the menus in government buildings – including the one that houses the Parks Department. Ron’s not having any of that, so he challenges Chris to a burger cook-off: Chris’s super-fancy turkey burger against Ron’s all-American, all-male hamburger, hold the exotic trimmings. To the winner goes the menu.

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Waffle Wednesday: Chick’ N’ Waffles Party

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

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It’s Wednesday, y’all! You know what that means!

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So Imma change things up this week with a savory waffle treat. Weirdly enough, I don’t think we’ve ever seen Leslie eat a waffle that wasn’t sweet. Usually – arguably – overly so. (Waffle sundaes, anyone?)

Instead of syrup and whipped cream, this one’s got meat and gravy.

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Carbs & Rec: Nacho Momma’s Preferred Source of Energy

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

Ron: What are you doing, Andy?
Andy: I’m getting healthier snacks for the shoe shine stand.
Chris is a food genius.
Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? Yeah.
Boom! That’s spaghetti.
Nachos.
A cookie.
April: That’s my husband.
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Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? IT’S TRUE! Tasty, tasty energy. And at the rate I’m packing it in, I should have scaled Everest several pizzas ago.

Another fun fact: this is one of my favorite Parks & Rec clips. I mean Andy, right. He is so cute, y’all! I’d just never want to date him, because I’ve seen how he lives, and it is not pretty.

So anyway, I just knew that this clip had to have a meal all to itself this Carbs & Rec. But what to choose?!? Spaghetti, cookies, and nachos are all equally yum. (Okay, so maybe I’m partial to cookies, being part Cookie Monster and all. I promise not to play favorites!)

In the end I went with nachos, because they’ve got the coolest Dwyer moves.

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BOOM! Nachos.

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Carbs & Rec: Peruvian Deja Food Pie

Monday, September 15th, 2014

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The latest meal on our Parks & Rec menu is, as you’ve no doubt already surmised, another Tom Haverfood! I’m pretty sure this particular phrase is fan-made as opposed to NBC canon, but that’s okay! If we’ve learned anything this month, it’s that our favorite shows are 1000 times better when enjoyed interactively.

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There’s one recipe in particular that seems like it was made just for this Haverfood: namely, the Peruvian Leftovers Pie from The HappyCow Cookbook. Basically you take your favorite leftovers, sandwich them between two layers of mashed potatoes, top it all off with a tofu cheese garnish, and voilà! – dinner is served. Bonus points for cleaning out the fridge.

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Carbs & Rec: You had me at “Meat Tornado.”

Sunday, September 14th, 2014

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“You had me at Meat Tornado.” If there’s a single quote that’s come to define Ron Swanson, food-wise (and what else is there really?), it would have to be this. Second maybe to “Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have.” Let’s just say the message boards are going nuts.

Just look at all the Meat Tornado merch and fan art available online!

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Carbs & Rec: Sloppy Adam Sandlers

Saturday, September 13th, 2014

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Today’s featured meal may be a Tom Haverfood, but imma break with protocol and stick to non-Tom gifs for a change. Because HOLY HELL are there a ton of Haverfoods on the menu, and I want to give some of my other favorite characters a little face time. Like April and Jeremy Jamm! Just not in the same frame ’cause I adore April and would never play her like that.

So Adam Sandlers are what Tom calls sandwiches (along with sammies and sandoozles) – and what better sammie to represent Mr. Sandler than (*drumroll please*) SLOPPY JOES?!?

SLOPPY JOE, SLOP, SLOPPY JOE!”
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Yeah, that’s right. You knew the Lunchlady Land jams were coming. (AGAIN.) You know me so well, mofos.

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Carbs & Rec: French Fry Pizza-That-Is-Harder-To-Eat With a Side of Ranch Dressing

Friday, September 12th, 2014

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Ben Wyatt and calzones. If there’s one ship I ship harder than Leslie and waffles, this would be it. (I’m totes playing it cool here. BEN + CALZONES 5EVAH!)

Calzones first make a cameo in the episode “Ron & Tammy: Part Two.” In a last-ditch effort to make the Harvest Fest happen, the Parks & Rec crew resort to bribery a la a pizza party in order to convince the police department to provide free security for the event. Ben suggests calzones, thus leading to a running gag about calzones being disgusting and pointless (the worst food ever invented!), much to his chagrin. (Quoth the Police Chief: “What the hell is wrong with this guy?”)

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Carbs & Rec: Sex Bites

Thursday, September 11th, 2014

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Quick! When I say “Parks & Rec,” which foods pop into your head?

Waffles? Check.

Eggs and bacon? You betcha.

Mac & cheese pizza? Hells yeah!

Bananas? Say what now!?!

Believe it or not, the unassuming banana has a long and storied history on Parks & Rec. From that one time Leslie demonstrated safe sex practices for Pawnee’s seniors with the assistance of a ginormous yellow banana,

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to Ron Swanson’s somewhat epic aversion to this healthy fruit,

bananas have made multiple appearances on Parks and Recreation.

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Waffle Wednesday: Banana Split Waffle Sundaes!

Wednesday, September 10th, 2014

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Leslie Knope likes her waffles like she likes her Ben*: served in a short stack and smothered in whipped cream.

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For this year’s MoFo, I really wanted to recreate the gorgeous tower of whipped cream that always seems to find its way onto Leslie’s waffles. Unfortunately, none of the alternative food stores in my area carry the cans of SoyaToo whipped topping that would help me pull it off. (Or any vegan whipped cream, for that matter. Boo!) Instead I opted for the next best thing – making my own using coconut cream.

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