Much like The Colbert Report, I’m beginning to suspect that there’s an animal sympathizer working for The Onion. (See, for example, Exhibits A, B and C.)

In this piece of bizarre hilarity, the talking heads at The Onion explore whether nonhuman animals are doing enough in the fight for animal rights:
 

 
While most of this is an over-the-top caricature of the misconceptions people have about the animal rights movement, I think The Onion is spot-on when they suggest that we should drop certain “problem animals” if we’re to ever secure rights for nonhuman animals. Might I suggest the entire corporate cadre of PETA in place of the noble water buffalo? I doubt that the latter would ever be so insensitive as to don a white hood and parade around the streets of NYC or mock women for their eating disorders. Just a thought.

By the way, I apologize if this video is old hat; I stumbled upon it while clicking through to “Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids” from “Next Tarantino Movie An Homage To Beloved Tarantino Movies Of Director’s Youth.” Next up: “Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive.” Labor Day: not so laborious.

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My sister sent me this video with the following note:

This cracks me up. I want the dog on the left….:-)

Adorable, them both. I’d joke about wanting to adopt the pair, but next thing you know, I’m waking up to seven dogs in my bed, instead of the customary four or five (Jayne sleeps under the bed during rainstorms). Dangerous road, my friends.

FYI, you can learn more about the British Columbia Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals – and adopt one of their many available animals – here.

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So probably you’ve heard about former U.S. Representative William Jefferson (D-LA), who was recently convicted on corruption charges, including bribery and money laundering?

Former U.S. Rep. William Jefferson of Louisiana was convicted Wednesday on 11 of the 16 corruption charges against him in a case that included the discovery of $90,000 in his freezer.

A federal court jury convicted Jefferson on four bribery counts, three counts of money laundering, three counts of wire fraud and one count of racketeering. He was acquitted on five other counts including wire fraud and obstruction of justice.

Jefferson, a 62-year-old Democrat, was indicted by a federal grand jury on June 4, 2007, about two years after federal agents said they found the cash in his freezer. Authorities said the cash was part of a payment in marked bills from an FBI informant in a transaction captured on video.

Last night, the husband mentioned that Jefferson hid some of that 90k in empty veggie burger boxes. This naturally led me to wonder whether Jefferson just so happened to have empty veggie burger boxes laying around, i.e., because he enjoys veggie burgers – or if he intentionally stashed the money there, thinking that disguising bribe money as veggie burgers was a safe bet, that is, no one would bother to look inside the boxes, because ick, veggie burgers!

But he also hid the money in empty pie boxes, and everyone loves pie; ergo, Jefferson (or someone in his family; an emo granddaughter, perhaps?) must eat veggie burgers.

Either way, I’m always tickled green when vegetarian/vegan products pop up in pop culture.

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Via Mylène – who always seems to find the most awesomest videos – I bring you this hilarious veg-on-the-street video: “What is a vegan?”
 

 
Hint: it’s not a gay vegetarian.

* What else might the older gentleman at the beginning of the video be referencing when he guesses that vegans are women? Seriously, I’m stumped.

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Liberation BC’s newly liberated, man-size duck needs a name!
 

 
He – well, I’m assuming he’s a he, due to the aforementioned manly stature – is Canadian and a former prisoner of a foie gras operation, so perhaps that will give you some ideas.

Me? I positively suck at this sort of thing. My first, last and only decent suggestion was “Heart-Shaped Box” for the name of a vegan bakery. I forget who ran that contest. (PETA, probably.)

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The Onion reports:
 

 
This video is chock full of snarky goodness, but my favorite part?

“Shawn was only 17 years old, so we never got to breed her.”

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The Onion reports:
 

 

In related news,

 

 

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The (d)evolution of animal agriculture sounds so much more insidious (and comical, natch!) when applied to human vs. non-human animals!

(Cue fetus frenzy at 1:10.)
 

 
If only they could grow in vitro embryos. Oh, wait.

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As always, the quiz includes questions about marginalized human groups – most notably people of color and gays and lesbians, with one roundabout feminist question (“when does life begin?”) – but not a peep about non-human animals. Just a few items re: climate change, pollution and the like.

I wonder how I might have scored on a similar quiz, with one or two animal advocacy questions? Domestic terra-ist, perhaps?

By the by, you can take the quiz here; h/t, Elaine.

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Which Western feminist icon are you?

The survey says that I’m Angela Davis, probably due in no small part to my response to third question, “What is the most important feminist issue?”: “Race, class, and gender must be examined, recognized, and the power redistributed.”

You are Angela Davis! You were the THIRD WOMYN IN HISTORY to appear on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. You are a communist, black power-lovin’ lady who shook up the United States when you refused to lie down quietly to oppression. You WENT TO JAIL! Wow. You kick so much more ass than Foxxy Brown.

I was kinda sorta hoping to have animal rights, animal welfare or even plain ole environmental ethics or ecology figure into a question or two – certainly, the above answer could have done so seamlessly, i.e., “Race, class, gender and the human/animal dichotomy must be examined, recognized, and the power redistributed.” – but no go. Nor did Carol J. Adams, Alice Walker, Josephine Donovan or company make the list of iconic Western feminists.

Interestingly, the results do include Susan B. Anthony and Gloria Steinem, two iconic feminists who were/are less well-known for their vegetarianism. Still, nary a word about animal advocacy in the quiz; even though non-human animals vastly outnumber the human ones, they and their concerns are practically invisible. Sigh.*

On a lighter, more serendipitous note, I am wearing my Foxxy Brown tee today.

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