Sexy Meat, No. 5: Meet “Chicktoria” (A “Charming Pet” Product)
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011
While visiting my parents last September, a knickknack sitting atop the office radiator (turn of the century New York, represent!) caught my eye. No, not Chicktoria; rather, what looked from a distance to be a homemade, paper mache caricature of one of my brothers – a school project, perhaps? – but was, upon further inspection, a Rocky toy, complete with an oversized Stallone head. (What can I say? My brothers, they could be extras on Jersey Shore.) My curiosity satisfied, it wasn’t long before my attention turned toward Ms. Chicktoria:
Chicktoria, front view. (The aforementioned Rocky toy sits off to the lady’s right.)
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Chictoria, what a sexy chick(en)! As chickens commonly = meat, this also makes Chicktoria entry #5 in our Sexy Meat series!
Sporting a tight, strapless black mini-dress, Chicktoria aims to please – the male gaze, that is! Chicktoria’s revealing dress is accented with a tightly cinched pinkish-purple belt; her stylish sunglasses, strappy high heels, bright toenail polish and garish lipstick (wait, chickens don’t have lips!) – all in matching shades of purple – complete the look. Ever the trendsetter, Chicktoria’s brunette ‘do is a sassy, punkish bob, swept forward for maximum It Girliness effect. Easily DDs, her chicken breasts are fit to stuff even the biggest human maw! (Of the manly variety, natch.)
According to my younger sis, one of my father’s work friends gifted him Chicktoria. Five seconds on the google revealed that Chicktoria is actually a dog toy – a squeaky toy (or “SQUEAKY SQUEAKY!,” as Peedee might say), reminiscent of the oh-so-popular rubber chicken. (Why my parents have yet to let Copper and Hash rip this abomination to shreds is beyond me.) Made by a company called Charming Pet Products (as if!), Chicktoria is part of its Barnyard Collection; other chickens in this series include Grandma Hippie Chick, Grandpa Gimpy Hip (hello, ableism!), and Beakham (who’s allowed the dudely dignity of wearing shorts vs. a tight and sexy mankini).
While visiting my parents last September, a knickknack sitting atop the office radiator (turn of the century New York, represent!) caught my eye. No, not Chicktoria; rather, what looked from a distance to be a homemade, paper mache caricature of one of my brothers – a school project, perhaps? – but was, upon further inspection, a Rocky toy, complete with an oversized Stallone head. (What can I say? My brothers, they could be extras on Jersey Shore.) My curiosity satisfied, it wasn’t long before my attention turned toward Ms. Chicktoria:
Chicktoria, front view. (The aforementioned Rocky toy sits off to the lady’s right.)
——————————
Chictoria, what a sexy chick(en)! As chickens commonly = meat, this also makes Chicktoria entry #5 in our Sexy Meat series!
Sporting a tight, strapless black mini-dress, Chicktoria aims to please – the male gaze, that is! Chicktoria’s revealing dress is accented with a tightly cinched pinkish-purple belt; her stylish sunglasses, strappy high heels, bright toenail polish and garish lipstick (wait, chickens don’t have lips!) – all in matching shades of purple – complete the look. Ever the trendsetter, Chicktoria’s brunette ‘do is a sassy, punkish bob, swept forward for maximum It Girliness effect. Easily DDs, her chicken breasts are fit to stuff even the biggest human maw! (Of the manly variety, natch.)
According to my younger sis, one of my father’s work friends gifted him Chicktoria. Five seconds on the google revealed that Chicktoria is actually a dog toy – a squeaky toy (or “SQUEAKY SQUEAKY!,” as Peedee might say), reminiscent of the oh-so-popular rubber chicken. (Why my parents have yet to let Copper and Hash rip this abomination to shreds is beyond me.) Made by a company called Charming Pet Products (as if!), Chicktoria is part of its Barnyard Collection; other chickens in this series include Grandma Hippie Chick, Grandpa Gimpy Hip (hello, ableism!), and Beakham (who’s allowed the dudely dignity of wearing shorts vs. a tight and sexy mankini).














