“If you and a chicken were in an airplane, and you crashed on a deserted island…” *

A few gems:

“I know he sexually assaulted someone but he does really good work.”

“That’s just some relationship drama. I’m not taking sides!”

“My last partner didn’t shave her legs. I really supported her.”

“With your hair pulled back like that, you really look like Frida Kahlo. I’d be honored to sleep with you tonight.”

(via)

Another pizza roundup, because it’s been entirely too long since the last one!

The Vegan Pizza Day That Was Giveaway!

Hey friends! Do you love pizza? Of course you do! Now through Monday afternoon, take a pic of your vegan pizza and share it with us at fuck yeah vegan pizza for a chance to win one of three prize packages stuffed with goodies from Tofurky, Daiya, Lightlife, Gardein, Nasoya, Tofutti, Field Roast, Bob’s Red Mill, and Upton’s Naturals (for US & Canadian readers) or a ginormous box of vegan meats and cheeses from Redwood Foods (for mainland UK residents).

Even if you lose the giveaway, you still win at life! (‘Cause you got to make and share pizza, duh!)

(Too much shameless self-promotion? Never!)

I am a Pizza, by Charlotte Diamond

So I was searching for music for a pizza mix tape (NO I SHIT YOU NOT) and found this video on the youtubes. I’ve listened to it at least a dozen times now and the lyrics are stuck all up in my head. I sang it to Peedee and O-Ren during our afternoon walk in the park, but I don’t think they enjoyed it. Whatever, they’re dogs, they eat poo. Anyway it’s dope and you should totally give it a listen so that it sticks in your noggin too. Then I won’t be the only weirdo wandering the streets yelling “I AM A PIZZA!” at the top of her lungs.

Cheesy Penne Pizza

With mozzarella Daiya, sauteed carrots, mushrooms, garlic and tomatoes, and baked penne pasta, all on a fluffy white pizza crust. I have yet to write up a recipe, but basically you just make up a dish of your favorite oven-baked pasta and set aside a few cups (three? four?) for the pizza prior to baking it. (Two meals in one!) Layer it on top of some red sauce, top with a lil’ extra cheese, and bake the pizza as you would normally. Nom!

Extra-Easy Vegan Bisquick Cheese Pizza

Aside from using store-bought bread, this Bisquick pizza crust is about as easy as it gets! Because it doesn’t contain any yeast, you don’t need to let the dough rise at all. (Pizza in a pinch, anyone?!?) It also makes for a pretty foolproof thin crust recipe – what you see is what you get! Quick and yummy, and super-useful for those nights when you’re craving pizza but are in too of much of a hurry to make a proper dough. Definitely a keeper!

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A few weeks back, Mofo Goddess Isa held a contest on Facebook; to enter, fans were asked to weigh in with their favorite tunes to cook to. Sadly, I didn’t win – but on the bright side, I got a post idea out of the deal! Here are a few of the songs I like to shake my spatula to (in no particular order, but the first being my entry in the contest, fwiw).

What about y’all? What gets your pancakes flipping?

“I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked,” Ida Maria

Ever since I was reminded of this song via a David Tennant fan video, it’s been stuck in my head. Fun and sexy and cheeky and catchy, what more do you need? That said, the only food I’d recommend cooking in the nude is ice cream. Banana ice cream, natch. (No hot ingredients, duh! What did you think I meant, you pervert?)

“Peaches,” The Presidents Of The United States Of America

“Peaches” is like my life story; just change “peaches” to “apples” and this song = my life. Or at least my autumn, when I spend most of my free time picking, peeling, coring and boiling apples to make applesauce and fruit leather. (Mmmm, strawberry-apple fruit leather!)

Check it:

“Movin’ to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches” (OMG I LIVE IN THE COUNTRY AND EAT A LOT OF APPLES!)

“Millions of peaches peaches for me” (I HAVE A MILLION APPLES! OKAY NOT A MILLION BUT HUNDREDS! FOUR TREES’ WORTH!)

“Millions of peaches peaches for free” (MY APPLES ARE FREE TOO!)

“Look out ” (SERIOUSLY THOSE SUCKERS WILL CONK YOU ON THE HEAD WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING!)

See, it’s like they’re inside my brain!

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Via vegansaurus, tonight’s episode of Extreme Couponing will feature a real live vegan couponer!
 

 
So cool! And timely!

Tune in to TLC tonight at 10PM (9 Central) to see how it’s done. If I’m not mistaken, this lady is saving up for some new ink, so I’m totally rooting for her.* Get ALL the vegan goodies for free!

* Upon seeing the abbreviated preview for tonight’s ep, I remember thinking, “Woman looks rad, but pffft, I bet she isn’t vegan.” Burn on me!
 

Ralphie! Everyone’s favorite one-eyed wiener dog turns fourteen years old today! FOURTEEN! He’s not old, he’s distinguished. Doubly so with all these surgical scars and skin tags and patches of missing fur. His motto? “Bitches dig scars.”

Hey, Rennie can’t get enough.

(Note peeping Peedee off in the background. Pervert! Nevermind that I’m photographing their intimate moment.)

Rolling with the weather, we celebrated his birthday a wee bit early this year. On Friday, I baked him a batch of Apple Cinnamon Muffins

and made him dress up in a silly hat -

but not before he got the first taste of his pre-birthday treat.

(The other six canines were pitching a fit, locked in the house away from mom and her nomz. I think Ralphie enjoyed that as well – almost as much as the muffins!)

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Dashboard cookies!

I made a batch last month – when the mercury was approaching 100 degrees – and completely forgot to post about it! Hopefully it’s still hot enough where you live so you can try it out if your tummy desires. Or maybe not? Hot, humid weather is the worst. But cookies make it more bearable. Especially if you use ‘em to make ice cream sammies!

Anywho, dashboard cookies are exactly what they sound like: cookies baked on the dash of your car. It’s pretty simple; all you need is batch of vegan cookie dough, a sunny day that’s expected to hit at least 95 degrees F, an oven thermometer, some towels and a vehicle (duh!). Park your car directly in the sunlight (preferably first thing in the morning, so it heats up with the day) and, in the early afternoon, pop your cookies in to bake. Keep the car sealed up tight so as not to let any of the heat out and, after two to three hours, all the vegan cookies will be yours!

Sounds weird, but it really does work!

Here’s a nifty little tutorial from howcast;

Snarky Vegan, who first tipped me off to the practice, has a nice how-to guide up, too. (Much more timely than me, she. And with a cleaner car! By which I mean a clean car.)

Last but not least, here’s the recipe I used. In a car or in an oven, it’s delish!

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Stumbled upon the short film Traffic Warden while surfing the youtubes this afternoon. Shared for those of you who like fishes, Doctor Who, random acts of kindness, whimsy, and/or water fountain kissing.

Me? All of the above!

* Don’t forget to be awesome! (Read the comments!)

I may not be straight edge, but I’M THE MUTHAFUCKIN’ VEGAN BIRTHDAY GIRL!*

These straight edge vegan music videos are strangely hypnotic, I tell you what. The first few minutes my mind called out for a bong hit – somewhat antithetical to the straight edge part, but never you mind – but once I let go….yeah. The funk, bring it ON!

Dude also made versions for vegan lesbians and heterosexual men. I think that last one is my favorite; the sexual gestures representing fellatio come off more humorous and less creepy than those for cunnilingus, if you know what I mean. Around :45, I’m overcome with the same icky feeling as when elderly customers (men, natch) hit on a 19-year-old me, working her way through college at the natural foods store. No like!

Not too in love with the fur hag vid, though. Seriously, people, can we lay of the gendered insults already? I get one birthday wish, no takebacksies!

* Yeah okay so I know it’s kind of tacky and/or sad to wish yourself a happy birthday, but I DON’T CARE! ’cause I just HAD TO SHARE THIS VIDEO! For serious.

…and Hitler was a vegetarian.*

Oh yes he did. STEPHEN TOTALLY WENT THERE!
 

 
* Actually, Hitler’s alleged “vegetarianism” is up for debate. Still, given the glee with which defensive omnivores throw this irrelevant “factoid” in our faces, Stephen’s point is greatly appreciated.

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