Carbs & Rec: Real Men Eat Quiche Lorraine

Sunday, September 28th, 2014

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Originally I was going to whip up a batch of Maple Bacon Doughnuts for the very last Swanson Sunday of VeganMoFo 2014. Aaaaand then Shane made his annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas and returned with several dozen vegan donuts from Ronald’s. I didn’t think my pants would forgive me if I made even more baked goods, so. Real Men Eat Quiche Lorraine it is!

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Carbs & Rec: ALL the Bacon & Eggs I Have!

Sunday, September 21st, 2014

Update: Ron & I won a MoFie!

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Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I’m worried what you just heard was, “Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.” Do you understand?
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Ron Swanson is a simple man. He likes pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food, and frequents strip clubs strictly for the all-you-can-eat buffets. When in doubt, serve him bacon and eggs. Preferably all the bacon and eggs in the house.

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So when Shane and I were brainstorming how to do this quote justice, we came up with two ideas: a) Photoshop a weird collage of all the bacon and eggs I’ve ever made, with a disembodied Swanson head superimposed on top (Shane) or b) actually cook up an oversized platter of bacon and eggs (me).

I was torn, so I did the next best thing: them both!

Exhibit A: The Vegan Bacon & Eggs Poster.

all the bacon and eggs collage (with quote)

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Carbs & Rec: The Highest Honor That Flour Can Achieve

Saturday, September 20th, 2014

Carbs & Rec - The Highest Honor That Flour Can Achieve (0015)

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Okay, so Chris Traeger and I have a *slight* difference of opinion here. (PIZZA! PIZZA IS THE HIGHEST HONOR THAT FLOUR CAN ACHIEVE!) But who am I to disagree with the first human being to live 150 years?

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Waffle Wednesday: Chick’ N’ Waffles Party

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

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It’s Wednesday, y’all! You know what that means!

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So Imma change things up this week with a savory waffle treat. Weirdly enough, I don’t think we’ve ever seen Leslie eat a waffle that wasn’t sweet. Usually – arguably – overly so. (Waffle sundaes, anyone?)

Instead of syrup and whipped cream, this one’s got meat and gravy.

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Carbs & Rec: Nacho Momma’s Preferred Source of Energy

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

Ron: What are you doing, Andy?
Andy: I’m getting healthier snacks for the shoe shine stand.
Chris is a food genius.
Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? Yeah.
Boom! That’s spaghetti.
Nachos.
A cookie.
April: That’s my husband.
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Did you know that the food you eat becomes energy? IT’S TRUE! Tasty, tasty energy. And at the rate I’m packing it in, I should have scaled Everest several pizzas ago.

Another fun fact: this is one of my favorite Parks & Rec clips. I mean Andy, right. He is so cute, y’all! I’d just never want to date him, because I’ve seen how he lives, and it is not pretty.

So anyway, I just knew that this clip had to have a meal all to itself this Carbs & Rec. But what to choose?!? Spaghetti, cookies, and nachos are all equally yum. (Okay, so maybe I’m partial to cookies, being part Cookie Monster and all. I promise not to play favorites!)

In the end I went with nachos, because they’ve got the coolest Dwyer moves.

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BOOM! Nachos.

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Waffle Wednesday: Banana Split Waffle Sundaes!

Wednesday, September 10th, 2014

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Leslie Knope likes her waffles like she likes her Ben*: served in a short stack and smothered in whipped cream.

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For this year’s MoFo, I really wanted to recreate the gorgeous tower of whipped cream that always seems to find its way onto Leslie’s waffles. Unfortunately, none of the alternative food stores in my area carry the cans of SoyaToo whipped topping that would help me pull it off. (Or any vegan whipped cream, for that matter. Boo!) Instead I opted for the next best thing – making my own using coconut cream.

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Mac & Cheese Monday: Five-Cheese Baked Pete-aroni and Cheese

Monday, September 8th, 2014

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This is a VeganMoFo special straight from the kitchen of Pete Oglini (of Pete’s Petezaria fame!), Pawnee’s own 3-star, Yelp-rated chef. The very best in “ethnic dining,” at least according to Leslie Knope’s definite guide, Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America.

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Because the residents of Pawnee love their cheese, this epic mac & cheese dish contains (count ’em!) one-two-three-four-five (five!) kinds of cheese:

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Carbs & Rec: Epic Breakfast Bowl

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

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When it comes to Ron Swanson, there’s only one way to do breakfast: epically. Preferably with ALL THE BACON AND EGGS you have. (Don’t worry, WE ARE SO DOING THIS! Just not today.)

Waffle Wednesdays may be dedicated to Leslie Knope and her BFF J.J. (don’t cry, Ann; waffles may own Leslie’s stomach, but you will always have her ovaries!), but Sundays are all about Ron and his undying love of meaty, cheesy, eggy breakfast foods. Just don’t call it brunch, else he might pop you one in your smart, fancy, foreign mouth.

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In this vein, this morning I present to you the Hearty Breakfast Bowl from Home-Cooked Vegan Comfort Food – with a few extras, that is. What’s in the ginormous cast iron skillet (Ron Swanson speak for “bowl), you ask?

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Carbs & Rec: J.J.’s French Toast Dipsticks

Friday, September 5th, 2014

Hay rides. Dunking booths. Corn mazes and concerts under the starlight. Giant pumpkins and even gianter pumpkin pies. The scent of fried foods wafting through the air, mingling with animal poop, and clinging to your hair, your skin, and your clothing…long after the fourth wash. Ahhhh. The Pawnee Harvest Festival. That’s the stuff.

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(Just be glad that computer monitors don’t come with scratch & sniff capabilities. NOT YET.)

Staples of the Pawenee foodie community Sweetums and J.J.’s Diner each have booths at the festival, along with with (much-loathed) Sue’s Salads, (somewhat obscure) Happy Harriet’s House of Heaven, and one-two-twelve different sandwich shops. But wait! There’s more!

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As if J.J.’s breakfast foods aren’t enough to satisfy your yearly quota of saturated fats, there’s a whole boulevard which consists of nothing but deep fried foods. It’s called – wait for it! – Deep Fried Boulevard: “Eight full blocks of Howell Drive (from Racine to Tellenson St.) will feature nothing but fried foods! Fried dough, fried meats and cheeses, fried sandwiches, fried fruit, fried foods that have themselves been fried again – if you want to eat it, we’ll fry it!”

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Though the show itself is light on the details, I like to think that J.J.’s maintains a second booth on Deep Fried Boulevard, where it sells these deep fried French Toast Dipsticks…among other things. (Deep-fried vegan mac & cheese, can I get a holla?!?)

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