I stalk because I love.

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Bah, I get so sick of hearing about the misogyny and sexism in rap music. Not that rap and hip-hop are misogyny-free zones – far from it – but when honkies criticize rap lyrics and imagery, they usually do so at the expense of misogyny in rock, alternative, pop, R&B, country, bluegrass, you name it. The problem is, I don’t think most honkies – especially most honky dudes – even listen to the lyrics in their favorite music. Or, if they do, the misogyny is so “coded” (read: plausible deniability) that the menz are oblivious to it.

But this grumpy feminist can’t listen to 30 minutes of terrestrial radio without sniffing some sexist MRA/Nice Guy ™ bullshit in the music. (Ten if you factor in the douchebag DJ filler. Two if you have the unfortunate luck of listening during the weekday morning show.)

So, a new series (I’m all about new series lately! I guess we’ll see how long this one lasts. “Friday Veggie Vlogging”, anyone?) examining misogyny in music. Or, hells, anywhere I happen to find it. Everywheres, is what I’m saying.

Listen up, menz and dudez. If my husband’s any indication, y’all are useless in detecting casual sexism and misogyny in pop culture staples. Or anywhere, really. So consider this a gift from me to you.

Today’s song is Death cab for Cutie’s latest, I Will Possess Your Heart. Even the title reeks of creepy Nice Guy ™ snivelings.

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language you can’t read just yet.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

Firstly, a heart isn’t an object to be possessed, like a flat screen tv or an old mattress. Secondly, the woman isn’t illiterate, emotionally or otherwise; she doesn’t doesn’t want to date your sorry ass, and no amount of whining will convince her otherwise. Stop trying to convince her – and yourself – that she’d get totally wet for you if you just had one night to show her what she’s missing. Chances are there’s a good mofo reason reason why she won’t go out with you. Probably because…

There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass.
And I long for this mirrored perspective
when we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.

…you spend your days peering through her window like a peeping Tom. You do realize that stalking and harassment are crimes, not romantic gestures of your love, right?

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

You reject my advances and desperate pleas.
I won’t let you let me down so easily.
So easily…

From stalking to thinly veiled threats. Lovely.

Judging from the chorus (“You gotta spend some time love. / You gotta spend some time with me.”), a good kidnapping is in order. Maybe some uber-romantic forced sex rape, just for good measure. I’m sure one taste of our Nice Guy’s ™ man meat is all it will take to change his would-be lover’s mind. (Feminists: just lonely sluts in need of a deep dicking! Lolz.)

And there by the powers of Stockholm syndrome will woman fall madly in love with our Nice Guy ™ turned stalker!

But only ’cause he had to – there was no other way, because bitchez like her don’t give Nice Guys ™ like him the time of day under normal circumstances. See, he was plumb outta options.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

You gotta spend some time love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find love.
I will possess your heart.

I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

Shorter Death Cab:

LOL Deth Cab 4 Cootie

‘Scuse me while I go yack. If this is what passes for a love song nowadays, methinks it’s time to give celibacy a whirl.