Book Review: What I Lick Before Your Face … and Other Haikus By Dogs by Jamie Coleman (2019)

Monday, December 23rd, 2019

Poems About Poop (and True Love!)

four out of five stars

(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review through Netgalley.)

If my dog could write haikus, I’d like to imagine that he’d wax poetic about his undying love for me: his human, his nurse, his cheerleader; the one constant in his chaotic (albeit tragically short) life. The one person who’s stuck by him, through better and worse (and the absolute worst). In reality, it’d probably be a lot of poop talk, interspersed with odes to his favorite noms and a thinly veiled death threat or two for the cat.

Oh, and oodles of anxiety, a la Hyperbole and a Half. He and I, we’re simpatico, you see.

2019-10-01 - Finnick Leopard - 0024 [Original]

What I Lick Before Your Face … and Other Haikus By Dogs pairs haikus – presumably channeled through author Jaime Coleman by his canine friends – with black and white photos of the very best 12/10 puppers you’ve ever seen. Spoiler alert: there is a preponderance of bathroom talk, along with a weird (though not altogether unwelcome) fixation on Boston terriers.

The haikus range from silly and whimsical to tender and downright tearjerking. To wit:

Grass
Why do I eat grass?
Perhaps today is the day
It is sausages

Best Friend
The definition
Of friendship must surely be
You, a bag, my poop

Rubs
It hurts my feelings
When you avoid stroking there
Nipples are me too

The Lead
You make me bring you
This harness of oppression
In my own damn mouth

Going to Live on the Farm
Guys, there is no farm
I wish there was, but there is
Only nothingness

I will never skip your nips, sweet doggo. NEVER.

Anyway, What I Lick Before Your Face would make a great gift for people who love poetry or dogs, and the best gift for those who heart both (and really, who doesn’t?).

(This review is also available on Amazon, Library Thing, and Goodreads. Please click through and vote it helpful if you’re so inclined!)