Mini-Review: Three-Year-Olds Are A**holes, Sarah Fader (2016)

Wednesday, May 18th, 2016

That escalated quickly.

four out of five stars

(Full disclosure: I received a free electronic ARC for review through NetGalley.)

Sammy would blow up entire planets just to get the pink jellybean instead of the white one. God love her, but she may as well have been Darth Vader.

This is the story of three-year-old Samantha – Sammy for short – who just wants to make a beautiful, sparkly rainbow. At three in the morning. On the bathroom floor, using mom’s birth control pills and body lotion as her medium.

Sammy kicks off her morning of mayhem by throwing mom’s cell in the toilet and peeing on it and, while mom is preoccupied scrubbing the bathroom clean, Sam sneaks out and –

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– nope, spoilers! Suffice it to say that things escalate quickly (and probably in a way that keeps parents awake at night). It’s rare that a book makes me LOL, but this particular scene did just that.

Three-Year-Olds Are A**holes is a silly picture book for adults that would make a most excellent gift for parents – expecting, new, old, doesn’t matter. I had the pleasure of reviewing this on NetGalley and was surprised to find a “send to Kindle” option in addition to the expected “download a protected pdf file,” which is the norm for books that are heavy on graphic elements (picture books, graphic novels, photography books). Not only is it easily readable on a Kindle, but I think it actually looks better: the grayscale coloring minimizes some of the harsh, contrasting colors of the artwork.

2016-04-23 - Outside with the Girls - 0017 [flickr]

Horrifying, innit?
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I suppose that some people will object outright to the title of the book (children are precious!), and I get it. But calling kids a-holes is both a term of endearment and a way of blowing off steam; acknowledging that parenting is a hard and frustrating and often thankless job. Sometimes you’ll get overwhelmed or annoyed, and that’s okay!

I do the same with my rescue dogs – who, while not exactly like kids, are family members just the same. They are (affectionately) my assholes and shitbags and little monsters. Whether it’s Mags, nipping my hand as I lift her onto the couch (at her request!), or Rennie, plopping her fat ass down on the bed as I try to make it, they can sometimes be awful (though not always intentionally so), and usually I just love them all the more for it.

2016-04-23 - Outside with the Girls - 0020 [flickr]

My thirteen-year-old asshole Mags, who always turns the other cheek when I try to take her picture. I thought teens these days lived for selfies, no?
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Pairs well with: Go the Fuck to Sleep; You Have to Fucking Eat.

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