VEGAN TWINKIES! (and a Twinkie Kit Review)

Friday, February 25th, 2011

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Holy guacamole, I did it! I totally made Vegan Twinkies®! And so can you – just follow this recipe from Shmooed Food! It’s easy, yo! And delicious. Soooooo delicious….

All you need is a canoe pan (also useful for making vegan corn dogs!) and icing injector. Hostess packages these together as a Twinkie set, but you can find generic versions online as well. (More on that later.)

For the especially frugal among us, a few regular ol’ cupcake pans and a pastry bag set works just as well. In fact, the recipe actually makes 16 Twinkies – but since I only own one eight-cavity canoe pan, I ended up making a dozen+ cupcakes too.

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Tip: for extra creamy goodness, inject the cream into your Twinkie horizontally (side to side) vs. vertically (bottom up). Ram a chopstick completely through the Twinkie before injecting the cream; this will allow for maximum fill. Sideways (at three points) is easier than lengthwise, especially if you’re working with a blunt instrument. If yer doin’ it rite, you should be able to see the top of the Twinkie puff up with cream. If you’re especially lucky, some cream will even make it all the way through and spurt out the other side. It’s like a volcano of yum, y’all!

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Also, whereas the recipe for Fluffy White Cupcakes says that you should fill each cupcake cavity just 1/4 full with batter, this makes for a rather flat cupcake. I recommend upping it to 1/2 full, since a taller cupcake means more room for cream! Plus, it’s next-to-impossible to punch holes through an inch-high cupcake without causing a crumbly mess. Truuuust me.

Of course, you can add a dollop of cream on top, too: replicate the iconic Twinkie swirl, smother it like a true cupcake, paint it with a smiley face – whatever your heart desires. Just make an extra batch of cream so that you have enough, kay? (Methinks the leftovers would taste delish in an ice cream recipe – but then I think the same of all my leftovers!)

In case you’re wondering how much I adore my Twinkie set, here’s the review I posted on Amazon. If you find that it’s helpful, hop on over to Amazon and say so. Please and thank you!

(More below the fold…)

randomness: dicks, donuts, girls, books, ice creams, pigs and pizzas!

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

Fan Junk Shots - Ralphie 01

  • www.schlongs4seals.com is now open and ready for business!

    Currently, only the blog – where I’ve already logged more posts in August than I managed to write for this here blog in the entire month of July – is fully functional. I’m still working on the promised interactive photo gallery and discussion features, but hope to have these done soon. (To this end, WP-compatible software recommendations would be most appreciated!)

    That said, the template and static/informational pages are all finished and look, if I might say so myself, kickass. I found a template that mimics Facebook almost to a M (for misogyny, natch), so it’s almost like we never left. (And by “left” I mean “were kicked off.”)

    Additionally, I created a temporary set of photo pages to house all the “man meat” I’ve “processed” thus far: VAPETA PSAs, promotional materials, junk shots, celebrity cock shots, South Park avatars, brother campaigns, etc. Browse, bookmark and check back often, because there’s more in the pipes.

    If you’re still out there and, um, excited to participate (excited! get it!?), send me your package at schlongs4seals [at] gmail.com and I’ll be equally excited (tee hee) to feature it on the appropriate page.

    Also, if you visit the front page, you’ll see a little Facebook “like” button in the left-hand sidebar (right under the hot white torso wearing the hot red boxer briefs). Click it, won’t you? We need friends! And sharing! On Facebook!

    Fan Junk Shots - Baby Kelly 02

    I’ve been a connoisseur of men’s briefs since early childhood.
    Behold the rapturous glee on my chubby chipmunk cheeks!
    ——————————

    SeaL Shepherd may have succeeded in removing our page from Facebook, but he can hardly prevent us from sharing content in the form of links.

    Can’t stop the schlong, yo.

    (A note for the newbies and occasional readers: if all this cock talk has you flummoxed, go here for some background.)

  • Tofurky Pizza with Daiya Cheese has finally made its way to Kansas City!:

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    The Whole Foods in Overland Park, to be more specific. And now it’s in my freezer. Nom nom nom.

  • As if this isn’t already more awesomeness than the KC metro area can handle, Kansas City is now home to a brand-spanking-new vegan bakery. Gluten-free, to boot. And, if you live in the KC area, they deliver!

    Shane ordered a box of Golden Girls – the vegan feminist version of “real” Twinkies, if you will – for delivery to his office Monday.

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    They are super-yummy – a little denser than Twinkies (according to Shane; I’ve never partaken), with a sponge- or angel food cake-like consistency. The creamy filling is the bestest, though methinks the cakes could use more. I say the same of Ronald’s Donuts and Newman’s O’s, so grain of salt.

    Egads. In all my excitement, I almost forgot to name drop. Brody’s Bakery is the name of the biz – hit ’em up on Facebook, and if you’re ever in the KC area, shop team vegan, mkay? Jasmin of Our Hen House also did a nice writeup on Brody’s this week; see Brody’s Bakery Bakes Up Compassion. (Color me jealous, btw.)

  • (More below the fold…)